Author: Gustavian Weekly

April Fools, News

CARB reveals spring concert headliner: Lagarfljøt

Ben Wick – Assistant Editor-in-Beef The Crampus Activities and Recreation Board (CARB) has announced that this year’s Spring Concert will be played by Icelandic pop-rock-alt-indie-folk band Lagarfløt. Opening the show will be none other than Cher, as part of her 14th Farewell/Reunion World Tour. The response from the Crustie community has been rather lukewarm, as CARB seems to have chosen a completely different band over the … Continue reading CARB reveals spring concert headliner: Lagarfljøt

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April Fools, Variety

Do’s and Don’ts: How to Ace Your Interview

Emma Lohman – Staff Writer It’s almost the end of the school year, which means that many Gusties are busy applying for summer internships and full-time jobs. If you’ve landed an interview, congrats. It means that your résumé made it past the robots, otherwise known as the AI-driven Applicant Tracking System. Now all you have to do is stand out in the interview. I’ve compiled a … Continue reading Do’s and Don’ts: How to Ace Your Interview

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April Fools, Variety

Gustie of the Week: Poot Lovato

Emily VanGorder – Staff Writer Junior Poot Lovato is Gustie of the Week, a title she says she is thrilled to receive. Lovato comes to Gustavus from Dallas, Texas, where her family moved to from Albuquerque, New Mexico, for her sister Demi’s acting career. She starred alongside her sister in a number of roles, including Camp Rock and Sonny With A Chance. However, she remains unknown … Continue reading Gustie of the Week: Poot Lovato

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April Fools, Features

Ship Happens: The boat. The economy. The worms.

Geena Zebrasky – Features Writer 220,000 tons is a lot. To give you some perspective, that’s 1,466 blue whales worth of a ship. Or, almost three million 150-pound humans. However, unlike a whale or human could, the Ever Given ship couldn’t manage to swim through the Suez Canal without getting stuck. When the Ever Given got stuck, society got stuck too. We began grappling with the … Continue reading Ship Happens: The boat. The economy. The worms.

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April Fools, Features

What Even is a Gustie?

Corinne Stremmel – Editor-in-Chief One might ask themselves from time to time, “what even is a Gustie?” Well, we don’t know either. It’s been made pretty evident by the other Minnesota private liberal arts schools what a Tommie is, an insignificant worm, an Ole, the Norwegian adaptation of a Potato Olé, a Johnnie, probably something inappropriate, a Cobber, sounds like an STI—I know there are more, but … Continue reading What Even is a Gustie?

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April Fools, Opinion

We need to take the “art” out of liberal arts

Tori Smith – Former Art Major There are few things in life that ruffle my feathers. People chewing too loudly, talking too loudly or breathing too loudly are just a few that I can think of off the top of my head. After the art installation fiasco here on campus, however, the art department just shot to the top of that list. A few weeks ago, … Continue reading We need to take the “art” out of liberal arts

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April Fools, Opinion

Only thing to fear is sphere itself

Lexi Louis – President of FES This may seem shocking to some physicists, but I strongly believe the earth is flat. Physicists have missed the point of view we see from our eyes and what technology cannot reveal. The earth appears as a sphere from a camera in space, but to us we only see the horizon. As you walk down the street, you do not … Continue reading Only thing to fear is sphere itself

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April Fools, Opinion

Robots: The New Face of Crustavus

Amia Honl – Writer Bot One of the most important missions here at Crustavus is our green movement. With compost bins everywhere, a Crustavus student is able to be a little more green in their daily lives. One thing we can’t be green with is our body’s gas output. Once we start sweating, a human being can release a lot of grossness into the air. It’s … Continue reading Robots: The New Face of Crustavus

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April Fools

A comprehensive history of Crustavus Campus Cryptids

Adam Pierce & Wen Bick – Better than You 😛 As I am sure you all know, there has been a history of hauntings on the Crustavus campus. This week, working in conjunction with the Monkey Man, the Weekly’s Investigative team took to the streets of St. Peter after hours to uncover the secrets of the Crustavus campus, and this is what they found. The Monkey … Continue reading A comprehensive history of Crustavus Campus Cryptids

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