Get the ghost out of Uhler Hall

Jonas Doerr – Opinion Columnist The brick walls of Uhler Hall loom over the Gustavus campus like a Transylvanian manor. The rooms are irregular with its mix of quads, triples, and doubles, and the hallways in the basement form a labyrinth all types of spookies could hide in. Dracula was written in 1897; Uhler Hall is only thirty years younger. So it’s not that surprising that … Continue reading Get the ghost out of Uhler Hall

Breaking news: humans more intelligent than we thought

Bella Loxtercamp – Squirrel Investigator The following message comes from a news article written by the squirrels. Gustavus’s branch of the Federal Squirrel Investigation (FSI) intercepted and translated it early this morning. It may be unsettling to some readers. Proceed at your own risk. Education is good. You didn’t need me to tell you that. Video games don’t give the same salaries, job opportunities, or futures … Continue reading Breaking news: humans more intelligent than we thought

Are gusties really golden?

Jonas Doerr – Opinion Writer Are Gusties really golden? We are the Golden Gusties, after all, but would it be more appropriate to call us the Yellow Gusties instead? Before you throw me out for sheer ridiculousness, let me explain. I’m not talking about the people actually looking golden. I have never seen anyone resembling C-3PO wandering around campus, and I’m sure I never will. Maybe … Continue reading Are gusties really golden?

Why How I Met Your Mother is better than Friends

Clare Greeman – Average Sitcom Watcher I’ve had some years to reflect and I still don’t understand why Friends experienced such a large resurgence. The power of nostalgia is strong; I’ll be the first to admit that it’s practically my whole ‘writing brand’, but I never thought that things that were boring, badly developed, and lacking any depth would be impervious to this power. Because with … Continue reading Why How I Met Your Mother is better than Friends

An ode to the furless giants

Cadence Paramore – Squirrel Translator We have always feared the Furless Giants. They would shoo us and call us “rodents.” It never bothered me, but I learned to stay away. To avoid interaction. I lived most of my life scrounging on what nuts I could find from local trees and feasting on the Furless One’s remains that they’d place into strange plastic containers. I thought I … Continue reading An ode to the furless giants

Make school more like video games

Jonas Doerr – Opinion Columnist Education is good. You didn’t need me to tell you that. Video games don’t give the same salaries, job opportunities, or futures that education does, except for a few talented people. So why doesn’t everyone fill their free time with hours of rereading the syllabus and memorizing profs’ presentations? If you already do that, congrats – I think. But many people would … Continue reading Make school more like video games

Let’s talk about birth control, shall we?

Tori Smith – Opinion Columnist It’s a subject that most people, myself included, choose to avoid in most conversations, but it’s a topic that affects approximately 65% of women, according to the CDC. For people who are unaware about the topic, welcome to Birth Control 101: An introduction into the scary world of women’s health. To begin, it’s important to learn why women take birth control … Continue reading Let’s talk about birth control, shall we?