Clare Greeman – Robert Pattinson Hater/Expert
Despite not being that big of a Batman fan, I know far too much than I wish to about the character, its adaptation history, and the new 2022 Batman movie starring Robert Pattinson, making me qualified to air my grievances. My problem lies threefold: in the casting of Robert Pattinson, the projected plot, and how this film fits into the larger problems of Hollywood.
Just like Batman, I know far too much about Robert Pattinson given that I despise him. I remember, for one, hearing his protestations to work out for the role and scoffing at it. I’m all for breaking down Hollywood’s beauty standards, where refusing to build up bulk to fit into a certain archetype might be sparking an important conversation, but I found the whole thing to be very hollow. He was not taking a stand when he refused to work out for the role; not only is this a double standard as Pattinson watched his 16 year old costar Taylor Lautner gain 30 pounds of muscle in between the 3 months it took Twilight to wrap and New Moon to begin shooting, but he also stood by as his then-girlfriend Kristen Stewart lose extensive amounts of weight for the end of Breaking Dawn pt. 1. Gaining muscle shows dedication to the role, and trying to portray a completely human vigilante that relies on his own fighting prowess is almost impossible as a man who cooks pasta in the microwave and eats it with copious amounts of sugar (if you doubt me, look it up) and could take someone out of the film.
Pattinson has traditionally played, and has always wanted, to play indie roles; his breakout role as Edward should’ve been just that, a role in a small production that would be seen by few. His harsh thrust into the spotlight via Twilight would be torture for anyone but especially someone who abhorred it in the first place. And indeed, after the Twilight Saga, he retreated into venerable indie productions like Good Time and The Childhood of a Leader, productions where he was highly praised for his performance.
I can only imagine that just like his other mainstream roles, like 4/5ths of the Twilight films, his performance will be lackluster. I’m just hoping that he worked with a vocal coach when it came to replicating Batman’s gravely voice rather than winging it with his parody-like and over-the-top performances in The King and the Devil All the Time. If he does decide to turn it on for this role, what will he be turning on exactly?
The unfeeling Dark Knight doesn’t have a lot to show in the way of emotions other than angry, brooding, and dead inside. And how will it compare to the rest of the star studded cast?
I was particularly excited for the casting of Zoë Kravitz as Catwoman and Paul Dano as the Riddler respectively. In addition to these, Colin Farrell, Jefferey Wright, John Turturro, and Andy Serkis are all slated to play large roles in the film. Perplexingly, four of the six actors I just mentioned are playing villains in the Batman canon which leads into my next problem: too many cooks in the kitchen. How will the film manage to handle the story lines of a potential four villains? I am exceedingly skeptical about the villainy that the Riddler is slated to bring as the “main villain” of the movie, when he hasn’t been a “main villain” in recently comic book memory, or how Colin Farrell, as the Penguin, will manage to act under that fat chin strap.
And finally, I hope that set-up sounded familiar to you, because it sounded familiar to me. How many recent movies can you think of that feature many villains? How many recent superhero movies can you think of? I can. In fact I first saw the new Batman trailer while I was in the theater to see that very same movie. Spiderman: No Way Home follows in the tradition of past Spiderman movies where they have featured many villains, top loading the movie with an incredible amount of action and many moving parts that if done wrong, could gloss over necessary character development and leave the audience feeling fatigued.
The many villains have been done, many times over. The characters have been done before, and the remakes complaint has been heard time and time before but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t bear repeating. I can only imagine that they pitched this movie as a new, darker Batman, and everyone being pitched to had short-term memory loss.
I’m not trying to yuck anyones yum, instead I hope that you enjoy the new Batman movie in my stead. I only ask that when you watch this movie, you think about what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish. Are you seeing anything new? Did they add anything to the Batman canon that was missing, besides Paul Dano?
Do you see any value in it as the third Batman live action launch of the 2000’s? Or could you just as sooner have watched the Nolan trilogy, or any other superhero movie to date and have found something just as good, if not better?
Your sad, a sad man talking to empty rooms.
I hate SjWs and I hste Anti SjWs as much, all shit from the same pile of woke shit
Bye shit
i was listening..the movie was pushing agenda..and bald catwomen ruined it
The Moment I saw her name I knew it was going to be crap, stopped it after 16 min . Is that Kravat Bald ? LMAO I almost lost a bet that it was going to be blond LMAO
Catwoman has short hair in the comics idiot it’s an accurate depiction from the comics
If had a full room to talk to doesn’t mean the content would be different or less sad, I didn’t like the movie as soon as I saw Zoe Kravat in it, and Colin Ferrel who managed to mess up a movie such as ” Fright Night ” This writer is apart from being truthful , still un-biased enough to tell people to fo and see this mega waste of money! And why is it impossible to have an honest opinion , plus plain old facts what makes a movie great ! This is not a little production , so I have to agree with what’s his face ! 1 Why make Batsy real-life-like? Then make him wear an outfit witch can’t be penetrated by bullets? 2. The fact that there’s so many villains , is against the nature of the created character IMO! He is not Hercules Poirot , He’s an action figure, but with so many villains popping out of nowhere is raking away the nativity of him trying to better the whole damn City . Now it’s as if he is the psycho and the city is against him! Before that Johnny Cash over-rated (as most are these days, you can’t blame everything on bad written scripts ) destroyed the Joker character , this would be the opportunity to let those two go at it in depth , The Joker apart from J.N. in the 90’s Movie . has never been exploited like he child have been in the comics . O did also like that One that died performance , but to many chefs in the kitchen . what is not to agree about ? And last Are you seeing anything new? Did they add anything to the Batman that was missing : ANSWER IS No , Not really & Nope ! Now grow up and don’t act as if you are it’s creator ! You sound like an 90’s baby calling somebody with a difference of opinions : Sad! LMAO don’t be such a sad cry baby , SAD LMAO Since when was a Superhero responsible for anything more , than entertainment …with a price tag ?
Not a empty room! Horrible movie with loads of corny bits. Just to name a few, the car chase was lack luster, bolt action sport rifles from 30 feet and not a hit on Batman… The bomb would have permanently ruptured his ears and would have caved in his eyes at point blank. Just no realistic aspects. Few cool gadgets, but a movie that feels like a bunch of scenes shot and never blended together.
Batman movie sucks but it isn’t an actor thing for me. Dark, painfully slow and way too long. I walked out with a half hour to go and only wish I’d left an hour earlier or better yet not gone. Worst of all I saw it on IMAX but IMAX can’t make this lackluster movie any more appealing. Major fail IMO
You describe yourself, hater. You offer no information , just condemnation. The new Batman movie bored me, the first 13 minutes were stupid and I stopped watching. The subway imagery was exaggerated and rang false. The Batman’s first appearance was clunky, like he was a robot. If you reply , it will be a spew of nonsensical anger , and I will laugh at you again. Loser
Haha! lady’s and Gentlemen I present James! James talks shit about a so called “empty room” that he’s obviously in or he wouldn’t be here…duh. Hey James… buddy…Don’t touch your tickle me Emo the Elmo too much tonight while watching that complete piece of shit movie called the Batman. Oh and for goodness sake! Cutting yourself may cause infection so clean those razors you keep under your bed in your grandma’s basement. Okay buddy? Safety first.
^you’re
Anti-SJW have every right to be Anti-SJW, nobody likes garbage bullshit in movies. So you can f*ck off with that they are equally worse nonsense.
The movie is trash
…. It pissed me off before I saw it! And when in 16 min I stopped the damn thing, waisted also 15 min looking for a site witch had the damn torrent download
Movie criticism is dead and has been been. Roger Ebert’s is no longer a critic as the name is use to promote bad movies for money”I will buy that for a dollar”. Positive Reviews are fake as they are bought because media companies own everything and employee writers to write criticism to advertise the movie. Word is that The Batman is weird and boring. Marvel does it it better.
Here is the rule of thumb kids and how you know. If the Critics like any movie, you know it sucks it big time. The higher they rate a movie the worse it is. Movies they hate and rate poorly will always entertain you the best. We, the American public like to be entertained; liberal critics like Hollywood, just want to force their liberal agenda on us and send a social justice message which usually sucks as bad as they do. The kid playing batman was a whimp, not like Ben Affleck or Christian Bale that worked out and was built like a super hero. What a looser and then the new “black” cat women just wants to kill white. Stupid movie. All critic reports were up and posted two days before this actually came out. It was rigged to trick people into going to see it. You’ll see the truth will come out. Paul Yanover owns Fandango ticket sales and what a coincidence the same guy owns rotten tomatoes. All the reviews are fixed. Next tine wait a few days before you get ripped off and do your own research.
Thanks Clare Greeman for the chance you gave all of us to post our opinions on a suck dick movie. You are awesome.
This movie sucked ass by the way I should have stayed home and re-watched fried green tomatoes again. Would have saved $15 bucks and 3 hours.
It has taken me 24 hours to get over this horrible movie. Such a huge disappointment. If there are any more movies with the same director, count me out. BTW I walked out with a half hour to go and have less than zero interest in learning the ending.
sorry.. but this movie isnt for me… i almost fell asleep. it was so boring. only good thing here is the sound of his boots walking. some fight scenes were decent.
this batman loves the police. even mingles with them. doesnt even bother “grappling hook outa here” just walks out the door. which can be easily tailed to see where he goes and unmask who batman is.
worlds greatest detective? lol he gave all the puzzles to his butler to solve.
Emo Batman vs cosplay Zodiac killer basically, a 3hr cure for insomnia & no semi-intelligent person could possibly think this was remotely good, get triggered fan boys.
Batman fanboy here, and I agree the movie sucked. It has very few redeeming features, and none good enough to save the movie from bad acting, bad direction, and bad writing.
I agree we these honest reviewers in the comment section. Saw it last night and it stunk boring cringe dialogue and narration, ick. Everything woke…
Worst batman ever – FYI it’s extremely offensive to white people and not one person of colour or female is a bad person. ONLY white males. ( Imagine if it was the other way round how many people would be cancelled.
FACT
The highest crime rates in USA are from black people so stop bashing white people in your movies.
that was possibly the most retarded comment ive ever read
but the movie did suck. not because racial issues, but simply bad writing for every scene without batman/the villains in costume, and a god awful cast.
Facts!
I just got mind raped! God this movie was demonic, lame, boring, woke as f**k. The constant droning of the impending doom music will surely give me constant nightmares and Dailey anxiety. This movie needs a warning…emo, agenda driven, emotional ware-fare and WAF.ugh! My husband fell asleep throughout and woke to my freak out over how bad it was and I how I couldn’t wake him to leave. This left me watching for over an hour! I wanted to leave so bad. Did not see the end. Sorry, not sorry! Thank god he woke up! Please never again!!
The worst Batman movie ever whoever in the future director please read any Batman comic book it will help I’m so disappointed in the long wait it’s a sad day for us all
If the critics love a film 9/10 the fans hate it, especially when such an iconic role is center stage. The whole Bats meets Cats felt rushed and badly written, I agree on Set peces being reused (as homage or not, it did not work), the fight scene in the club was only missing Eric Roberts lolz – it was nearly punch for punch the same fight. Unfortunantly Alfred and other characters did not feel that fleshed out and some felt under used.
Alot of folks may forget though this is a young Batman, and expectaions from some fans due to high ocatane movies being all the rage just now (Spidey, Eternals, Venom, Dune, Free Guy, Justice League, etc, etc). Also all previos incarnations of the Bat on film have had a very different feel, a slow/long movie may have caught alot off guard.
As a little parrallel, I love T.M.N.T. (I read them when they where black and white). But I dispise T.M.H.T and the newer movies, it tries to mash them together and rewtore the origin story. But to someone who grew up with the T.M.H.T and cartoons over comics would probably love the newer films.
32 folks have written Batman and 30 have drawn him, he has come is various forms and styles…so why should 1 movie be able to incapasulate them all or even try?
The Batman is a desecnt film and a nice take on what a Batman can be and be perceived as, I feel the tone was good but the content lacked somewhat. Some of the ties between characters is rushed or poorly explained… Just like Bats and Supes becoming great friends over the mention of “Martha” when Bats is inches from killing Supes.
I am not saying it’s a good Batman movie , but It’s far from the worst (looking at you Clooney, lol).
Well Zoe was the worse Catwoman and the ugliest, she ruined it for me which her phony woke message, rich privileged girl talking about white privileged, but at the End she doesn’t help people lol
The hypocrisy!
Thanks for the warnings. I think I’ll watch dark knight again save money
DC Comics is just what it is a comic book character they made the movie to real it’s a science fiction and they made the Batman too skinny he looks more like a punk rocker !
I seriously got to the point when he was disrespecting Alfred…and I was like, “Not interested”. Alfred’s Actor, I totally like and have enjoyed him throughout. I do not really know who they cast as Batman, I do not know his background. I just know he did not fit the Batman role. So I am going to watch a different movie and wait till they cast somebody else…wonder is Christian Bale still available…just a thought…
Who the hell is at WB that hates DC comics this much?
To quote the best Critic – “It Stinks!” Within 5 minutes of watching The Batman, I was laughing. I asked myself “is Batman actually narrating his own movie in a whimpering whisper?” I don’t know if it was Pattison, the script, or the production/directing – but he whispers or whines his lines when he’s in costume with the police, doing his best impression of Edward playing a detective…
The best part of HBO Max on the right device is that you can watch the movie at 1.2-2x speed, which lets finish the movie before you fall asleep. The car chase scene…it was fine, but the dark knight did it better. The Cat and Bat…Batman Returns did it better – Michele Pfeiffer beyond nailed the role, and it was written perfectly. The Riddler and his murder spree…Se7en was a better detective story.
Even the suit looked like it was made from duct tape and tears, Robert Pattison made Bruce Wayne look like the tall emo kid I knew in high school – not the brilliant playboy millionaire from the comics. Alfred and Thomas Wayne involved with the mafia and murders? Jesus what a shit show of a story. The best part of the movie? Making me find my Nirvana CDs from my high school CD collection, but not wanting to listen to them because I heard the song in every scene it was raining…which was all of them.
And to those who say “they were doing something bold – being new and creative!” They rebooted BATMAN for the umpteenth time – when all you have to do is cast Jon Hamm, Armie Hammer, JD Morgan, or Richard Madden and pick any 90s animated series story line and make it a live move…heck take Joseph Gordon-Levitt and make him pick up a new mantle!
I saw the movie…three hours of ‘total suck’. I napped through a few parts and kept the volume low, because the movie sucked.
Worst. Movie. Of. The. Year
Worst. Batman. Ever.
Seriously wondering why the television and movie industry feels so compelled to chase after an audience who where never fans of masculine male heros and archotypes. Pattinson embodies this woke culture and has no business playing the role. They made Dr Who a chic and now the Dark Knight is a effeminate wierdo “Nancy” boy. What’s next? A female 007??? The fans of this genre are male mostly. They know that and if they keep up this woke BS they will leave and not return. As they slow wreck every long running traditionally masculine role the people who used to tune in will take their money elsewhere. For the woke fanatics out there I only have one thing to say. Create your own hero roles. Here….I’ll help. How about a movie about a trans super hero who’s superpower is crying people to death and whining like a baby. Pat/Patty’s (our hypothetical superhero) personal pronoun is we or they and their partner is a talking cat who drives the car to the therapist when Patty/Pat has had a bad day. Chic’s will love it.
I give props where they are due. So I’ll start there. Now that we know the rest of the story: The film’s cinematography is outstanding.
Your post turned out to be prophetic. Good for you. I appreciate the honesty and willingness to, you know, hang your balls out there like that…especially in a cultural climate where telling the truth about Hollyweird’s crap-on-a-plate productions means name calling, insults, cancellation, and ultimately the total destruction of one’s life, if they can manage it. I lift my cup to you sir.
I had a bad feeling about the film the moment I heard who they’d cast in the lead role. Being a Batman fan, I still wanted to like it. But it was so bad, I couldn’t even finish it. The writing was on the wall 15 minutes in. Still I endured for another hour hoping it would redeem itself. It was not to be.
It’s shocking to me the total lack of awareness of those who spend many millions of dollars on a production, only to produce shit. That’s exactly what this film is, a stinking pile of shit the size of Manhattan. Someone should tell these assholes that it takes more than good set design, location, and camera angles to make a quality film. And how they could watch this crapfest in the guise of “Art” and not notice is beyond my capacity.
Thankfully…for once, it looks like the public wasn’t fooled or distracted by the shiny stuff, since they pretty much avoided the box office on this one. Word of mouth did the rest.
I could go on about how DC tried to reinvent the characters in the film (and failed miserably), how the script sucked, how audiences don’t like sermonizing, endless repetition, and an utter lack realism and creativity…but others have already done an admirable job detailing the abject failures of the film.
When will these film makers learn? Answer? Don’t worry; they won’t. Too busy smelling their own smug you see. As long as somebody is willing to keep losing money on this drivel, the “auteurs ” will persist. That is the price of having one’s head far up one’s ass. Poor bastards…I almost feel sorry for them. Almost…
Thank you for providing such insightful material that is worth studying, analyzing, and further reflecting upon.