The Gustavian Weekly

Calendar (3/7/2014)

By Justin Feit Calendar Editor | March 7, 2014 | Calendar

With two hockey games on Saturday, the “F@#$ St. Thomas” chants will be copious and audible.

With two hockey games on Saturday, the “F@#$ St. Thomas” chants will be copious and audible.

* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but Rebecca Bergman’s first rulings as President-Elect of Gustavus. Making a lot of noise here.

Friday, Mar. 7

GAC’s Got Talent: The Caf 7 p.m.

But grammatical fluency is not one of those talents.

Weekend Movie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: Wallenberg Auditorium 7 & 10 p.m.

Given how clumsy Jennifer Lawrence is, she should get an Oscar for playing the most coordinated fictional character ever.

Saturday, Mar. 8

Building Bridges Conference: Christ Chapel 9 a.m.

THE HOLY WATER IN THE CHAPEL COULD HAVE BEEN USED FOR CLEAN DRINKING WATER.

Weekend Movie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: Wallenberg Auditorium 7 & 10 p.m.

Room draw drama is far more brutal and compelling than this movie.

LineUs Show: Alumni Hall 8 p.m.

Sometimes after a jovial social justice conference, you need to get serious for an hour.

Sunday, Mar. 9

Weekend Movie: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.

Is Bradley Cooper in this one, too, now that he is in EVERY J-LAW MOVIE EVER?

Monday, Mar. 10

Spring Chinese Language Table: The Caf 5:30 p.m.

Hopefully they have the wholly authentic Chinese dish, orange chicken.

Performing Gender: Sometimes I Do and Sometimes I Don’t: Alumni Hall 7 p.m.

Sometimes I go to events like this and sometimes I don’t.

Tuesday, Mar. 11

Meet-n-Greet: Admission Staff: Diversity Center 3:30 p.m.

They don’t give a s@#$. You’re already here.

Solar Heat Workshop: Interpretive Center 6 p.m.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SOLAR HEAT ANYMORE.

Wednesday, Mar. 12

Internship & Service Learning Fair: Heritage Banquet Room 11:30 a.m.

You’ll learn that they won’t pay you s@#$ for a summer of work.

PASO Trivia/Open Mic Night: Courtyard Café 7 p.m.

Nothing like an opportunity to sing “Africa” by Toto where it kind of makes sense.

Thursday, Mar. 13

Day on the Hill: State Capitol 8:30 a.m.

It’s windy on GAC’s hill, but this hill is more long-winded.

Fika: Swedish House 9 p.m.

Does Gustavus have some ties to Sweden or something?

Feit-sty Not Really Horoscopes

Aries: I think Putin was Russian to some conclusions to this whole Ukraine thing.

Taurus: Hmmmm . . .The main butt of my jokes have transitioned from Miley to Putin. I think I’m growing up.

Gemini: I mean pretty soon I will be doing jokes about the deficit or Benghazi or Obamacare . . . LOLZ NO I WON’T.

Cancer: Why didn’t your story on Snapchat win Best Short Film at the Oscars?

Leo: I bet the profs make their own Gustie Couples page soon.

Virgo: I mean, they already have a Love Confessions page.

Libra: And with that Oscar win, all jokes about Matthew McConaughey have died . . . R.I.P.

Scorpio: THAT’S OKAY, PLANET EARTH. WE NEVER WANTED SPRING ANYWAY.

Sagittarius: When the hell can I study abroad in Narnia?

Capricorn: There is like a 95 percent chance that Betty White is a renegade cyborg that refuses mortality.

Aquarius: Leonardo DiCaprio isn’t taking losing at the Oscars well because his childhood soccer league didn’t keep score.

Pisces: The CFs have their own Draft Combine where they test applicant’s alcohol violation times.