The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather the comments of a snarky, sarcastic senior who just does not give a s*** about anything anymore.
Friday, April 19
3rd Annual Gustavus Women in Leadership Conference: American Swedish Institute Minneapolis 8:30 a.m.
Watch your feet. There are shards of broken ceiling glass all over the place.
Relay for Life: Lund Arena 6 p.m.
Not to be confused with the annual track meet where they let a mountain lion loose.
A Toast to Home: St. Peter Community Center 6:30 p.m.
All the Edina folks pat each other on the back for being from Edina.
Weekend Movie: Django Unchained: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
Djamie Foxx is my favorite actor ever.
Saturday, April 20
Weekend Movie: Django Unchained: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
Tarantino’s next project is Green Eggs and Ham: “NO, SAM-I-AM, I DON’T WANT YOUR F@#$ING GREEN EGGS AND HAM!”
Sunday, April 21
Weekend Movie: Django Unchained: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.
I also like Samuel L. Djackson.
Do the Math Movie Screening: Heritage Banquet Room 7 p.m.
It’s just a first-year sobbing while trying to get through calculus homework for two hours.
Monday, April 22
Playing Your Way to Language Fluency: Culpeper Language Center 4:30 p.m.
Fake it ‘til you make it.
Tuesday, April 23
National Outdoor Leadership School Presentation: St. Peter Room 6 p.m.
But it’s inside …
Wednesday, April 24
40th Anniversary Celebration of Linnaeus Arboretum: Interpretive Center 3 p.m.
The Arb just bought a Corvette due to its midlife crisis.
Thursday, April 25
Yoga with Kelly: Lund 224 4:45 p.m.
When Kelly saw the calendar, she wept for there were no more yoga classes to conquer.
Taking Control of Your Language Learning: Interpretive Center 6:30 p.m.
They are teaching you how to have a coup in your French class … coup … we’re already learning!
Feit-sty Not Really Horoscopes
Aries: The U.S. really needs gum control. Way too many different brands and flavors out there.
Taurus: It’s been sixteen years since Harry Potter was released, and we still don’t have a Witchcraft/Wizardry Major.
Gemini: Does anyone else out there kinda miss Kim Jong Il?
Cancer: For all of you who wanted snow this year, are you f@#$ing happy?!
Leo: There were only seventy-four duels at the Room Draws this year!
Virgo: Jeffery Tambor is only coming because Jason Derulo backed out this year.
Libra: Do you get a t-shirt if you eat 100 grand 100 Grands?
Scorpio: Fall registration continues the trend of disappointment fostered by this school.
Sagittarius: The Caf has gone Game of Thrones on everyone telling people they must pay the iron price if they steal peanut butter.
Capricorn: If there were serfs at GAC, they would be juniors in Complex.
Aquarius: That last one is going to sting for some of you.
Pisces: I am going to kill that f@#$ing groundhog.