The Gustavian Weekly

Calendar (4/19/13)

By Justin Feit Calendar Editor | April 19, 2013 | Calendar

The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather the comments of a snarky, sarcastic senior who just does not give a s*** about anything anymore.

Friday, April 19

3rd Annual Gustavus Women in Leadership Conference: American Swedish Institute Minneapolis 8:30 a.m.

Watch your feet. There are shards of broken ceiling glass all over the place.

Relay for Life: Lund Arena 6 p.m.

Not to be confused with the annual track meet where they let a mountain lion loose.

A Toast to Home: St. Peter Community Center 6:30 p.m.

All the Edina folks pat each other on the back for being from Edina.

Weekend Movie: Django Unchained: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.

Djamie Foxx is my favorite actor ever.

Saturday, April 20

Weekend Movie: Django Unchained: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.

Tarantino’s next project is Green Eggs and Ham: “NO, SAM-I-AM, I DON’T WANT YOUR F@#$ING GREEN EGGS AND HAM!”

Sunday, April 21

Weekend Movie: Django Unchained: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.

I also like Samuel L. Djackson.

Do the Math Movie Screening: Heritage Banquet Room 7 p.m.

It’s just a first-year sobbing while trying to get through calculus homework for two hours.

Monday, April 22

Playing Your Way to Language Fluency: Culpeper Language Center 4:30 p.m.

Fake it ‘til you make it.

Tuesday, April 23

National Outdoor Leadership School Presentation:  St. Peter Room 6 p.m.

But it’s inside …

Wednesday, April 24

40th Anniversary Celebration of Linnaeus Arboretum: Interpretive Center 3 p.m.

The Arb just bought a Corvette due to its midlife crisis.

Thursday, April 25

Yoga with Kelly: Lund 224 4:45 p.m.

When Kelly saw the calendar, she wept for there were no more yoga classes to conquer.

Taking Control of Your Language Learning: Interpretive Center 6:30 p.m.

They are teaching you how to have a coup in your French class … coup … we’re already learning!

Feit-sty Not Really Horoscopes

Aries: The U.S. really needs gum control. Way too many different brands and flavors out there.

Taurus: It’s been sixteen years since Harry Potter was released, and we still don’t have a Witchcraft/Wizardry Major.

Gemini: Does anyone else out there kinda miss Kim Jong Il?

Cancer: For all of you who wanted snow this year, are you f@#$ing happy?!

Leo: There were only seventy-four duels at the Room Draws this year!

Virgo: Jeffery Tambor is only coming because Jason Derulo backed out this year.

Libra: Do you get a t-shirt if you eat 100 grand 100 Grands?

Scorpio: Fall registration continues the trend of disappointment fostered by this school.

Sagittarius: The Caf has gone Game of Thrones on everyone telling people they must pay the iron price if they steal peanut butter.

Capricorn: If there were serfs at GAC, they would be juniors in Complex.

Aquarius: That last one is going to sting for some of you.

Pisces: I am going to kill that f@#$ing groundhog.