Jonas Doerr-
It’s getting closer. It’s looming before me. Soon I’ll have to make a decision.
To hold, or not to hold?
Normally doors are a simple thing. Just reach out one hand, pull, and step through. Sometimes those little things called locks get in the way, but that’s only a problem for burglars and pranksters.
But when someone is walking behind you, it becomes a daunting task. Not only do you have to open the door, you then must decide whether or not to hold the door open for the next person.
I decided to choose a middle-of-the-road option: hold the door as I walk through, reaching my arm behind me, but let go once I have passed through completely. This strategy has multiple advantages.
First, I do not have to size up how far away the person behind me is and consider whether it would be awkward to hold the door open for them. This is one of the major pitfalls of the “Hold and Wait Strategy”; sometimes you end up standing at the door for a long time, and the person behind you has to run-walk clumsily to end the embarrassing faceoff. With this strategy, the door simply closes normally if the person is too far away.
Second, it still seems like I am being polite. It might seem rude just to let a door close in someone’s face. It probably is rude. So instead of being rude, holding the door momentarily gives the semblance of politeness. If they are right behind me, they can slip through the door without it slamming on their skull. If not, they are probably capable of opening the door themselves.
It used to be a basic principle of etiquette that men would hold the door for women and children. With more modern gender roles, that standard seems out of date. Why can’t women hold the door for men, especially if they arrive at the door first? The problem is that this ambiguity leads to a Wild West of etiquette.
No one knows who should open the door, but everyone feels obligated to. At the same time, everyone feels obligated to thank the person in front of them for performing the oh-so-horrible chore of holding the door. Both people could pretend not to see each other, but that just makes things even more awkward. Is there any clarity to be found in this Escher-esque tangle of doors and manners?
Hold on a moment! I have it! Yes, hold on, but not for me; hold the door (and hold your applause and your dentures in for that astounding cleverness). Instead of worrying about it, just hold the door. But not in my half-hearted fashion, or the “Keep One Arm Behind You And Wait” style. Stand outside the door and hold it until the person comes in.
Yes, this is awkward. Yes, it takes more time. But the awkwardness and two-second sacrifice are worth it. Holding the door for people is indeed a nearly meaningless social lubricant, but it is a time-honored Gustavus Adolphus College tradition for a reason. It may be the hidden reason why Gustavus has such a tight-knit community.
A little bit of awkwardness is, in fact, not a bad thing. It provides a sense of vulnerability and a way for two people to connect. When two people are waiting for one to run-walk through the door, do they scowl angrily afterward? I think not. Usually, both people are smiling. Even if it is one of those people you met your first week of college and can only remember the first letter of their name, you just had a little bonding moment, and it only took two seconds.
Certain social lubricants might seem like they have no meaning. Why, for example, do we add thirteen “Thank you’s” to the end of every email? It seems to serve no purpose, but in reality, it helps reassure the receiver that the faceless emailer on the other side of campus is not a soulless, ungrateful wretch.
The same goes for holding the door. None of us would admit it, but we probably believe deep inside that only a soulless, ungrateful wretch wouldn’t hold the door for someone. Braving the Minnesota sleet for a few seconds to hold that door is a reassurance that we are not surrounded by heartless robots. That’s why we smile, even if it is a little bit awkward.
I know we all repeat our Gustavus slogan, “Make Your Life Count,” three times after waking in the morning. But instead of only focusing on large life events, like career choices and the NLE Choppa concert, we can make our lives count through the everyday moments. Hold that door; it’ll remind us that you’re human, too.