Raquel Vaughn-

Every year when Thanksgiving rolls around, my immediate family travels seven to eight hours down south to visit the Heddings — my aunt, uncle, and their nine children in Kansas City. With my siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, and everybody’s significant others, it adds up to about 32 people under one roof. It’s the biggest event of the year! We spend the whole weekend going on crazy adventures around the city.

Last year, we spent many mornings thrift shopping and discovering different coffee shops. This is also the perfect opportunity for our big family to bond on our own terms. For instance, five of us girls decided to take a trip to my cousin’s favorite café, where we just happened to run into the rest of our cousins and parents. We also drove to the Kansas City Union Station, where we took a transport to the Kansas City River Market where we roamed eateries and indie boutiques, getting Christmas gift ideas! Of course, there’s always the annual “main event” (which last year was going to a bowling alley literally called Main Event) and the Vaughn-Heddings Secret Santa Gift Hunt. We split into four teams, were randomly given a person from another team, and spent the whole day driving from store to store with our group finding a gift to wrap and give out that night. It’s extremely competitive; whoever gets home first wins bonus points.

My family has a lot of fun and we always end the weekend feeling sad to go home. Once that Sunday-after rolls around and my siblings and I start packing ourselves in the car for a long ride home, we find that we are already looking forward to next year’s festivities. Basically, the Vaughn-Heddings Thanksgivings are always epic but it’s not always sunflowers and rainbows.

With the holidays coming up, this probably means a few days of relaxation with no responsibilities and obligations for most of us. You might have an epic Thanksgiving with your cousins too—going on wild adventures and fit as many things as possible into each day before coming back to school. However, there are those of us who also feel an additional dread along with excitement when it comes to thinking about Thanksgiving Break. Being with that many family members for that long can be more than exhausting. Here are my tips and tricks for surviving Thanksgiving.

Don’t ever—and I mean ever—bring up politics at the dinner table. Actually, after a second thought, just don’t bring it up during the holidays at all. Mentioning anything political is a one-way ticket to a ruined dinner. I made that mistake once when I was a teenager and… it did not end well. I’m the only liberal in my family (the rest are conservative), and once responded to a comment I disagreed with. I got into it with my aunt, and the rest is history. When it’s one against 30 other people, you know you won’t come out a winner. And this goes the other way too. Even if you’re conservative and the rest of your family is liberal, don’t waste a good time going for each other’s throats. Do what all families do: ignore the issue, never talk about it, and then one day it’ll die with you. Problem solved.

Don’t ever talk about your love life. Don’t even subtly hint at it because then you’ll have a household of spectators analyzing your relationship (or lack thereof) like it’s a game. I’ve never brought anyone home for the holidays and yet every year my stepmom is certain that next year is the year. And if it’s not your singleness that they’ll turn into a joke, it’s your relationship. I’ve seen this happen with my brother and his girlfriend, how my dad will tease him. First, it’s teasing, then it’s consulting your significant other in front of the entire family, and then you’re thrown under the bus. And it’s supposed to be a joke but deep down you know you better shape up, even though you pay for dinner after every date.

When you’re asked about school just say that it’s “good”. Don’t give those old gossipers any more or less. If you tell your grandma about how stressful that Chemistry class is then they’ll tell your aunt, who will then tell your cousin, who will tell your sibling, who will then tell your parents. And that’s just if grandma doesn’t have the decency to rip off the band-aid at the dinner table and scold you to get your grades up in front of everybody. Even if you’re not in school, just throw them a bone and tell them that school is “good”. If they’re old enough just change the subject and chances are they’ll probably forget what the initial question was anyway.

Pack and wear clothes that would look appropriate for Sunday morning church. Yes, that includes the distressed jeans with holes in them. I’m assuming you got enough “Did they make you pay full price for those jeans?” questions at the Fourth of July get-together. Save yourself the headache and wear leggings.

And lastly, don’t forget your medication. One year I forgot ibuprofen and my melatonin. I get migraines regularly and have a hard time falling asleep anywhere that isn’t my own bed. Without the proper necessities, those few days were the longest days of my life. And this includes your headphones! Yes, in my book, that is considered medication.

I’ve disciplined myself to stay true to this list and I’ve had the most epic Thanksgivings the past few years. Sure, grandpa will always say something out of pocket and your mom will probably never get off your back about your love life, but remember that these are the moments that will last. Follow these sacred rules, and, hopefully, your Thanksgiving will be epic, not an epic failure.