13. Spiral: From The Book of Saw: The best decision that could have possibly
been made for the Saw franchise was to get rid of Jigsaw and have the
main character be an out-of-place Chris Rock making the tone as
inconsistent as possible. This movie also gets bonus points for Samuel L.
Jackson’s fake mustache.
12. Big Robert’s Big Day Out: This isn’t a real movie. I just thought of the title
while writing this list and thought it would be cool to put it in. It would be
a good movie if it was released in 2021.
10. Godzilla Vs. King Kong : Certainly better than Godzilla Vs. Megaguirus
and also Godzilla Vs. Megalon. However, it is not as good as King
Kong Vs. Godzilla
9. House of Gucci: Come for Jared Leto’s Italian accent. Stay for Jared Leto’s
Italian accent. He has a really good accent, guys. Trust me. The Razzies
got it wrong, he shouldn’t have been nominated for Worst Supporting
Actor. Really, he should’ve been nominated for best picture.
8. The Kissing Booth 3: Upon viewing the third installment of the film franchise
most similar to the plagues of Egypt, I fell into a deep depressive state and
could scarcely remove myself from said state. Fun for the whole family!
7. Red Notice: Love seeing my three favorite cardboard cutouts of actors perform
together in one film. Gal Godot, Ryan Reynolds and Dwayne Johnson star
in a two-hour film that magically feels like four hours. What a cool feature!
6. The Sopranos: Sure, it’s a TV show and also it ended in 2007 but I still think it
is the sixth best movie of 2021.
5. F9: I have not seen this movie, nor have I seen any Fast and Furious film but
I am sure it’s great.
4. Cyrano: Better than general anesthetic at making sure you forget two hours of your
life. Truly life-changing. I never knew Peter Dinklage was awful at singing!
3. Boss Baby: Family Business: Sadly, because of Alec Baldwin, this masterpiece
of a film franchise will likely end with this heart-wrenching tale of
familial love and baby capitalism.
2. 2025: The World Enslaved By A Virus: A wholesome, completely apolitical
film about German Christian revolutionaries overthrowing an evil world
government run by people who think COVID-19 is real. Definitely not
actually the worst movie made this year. I promise it isn’t boring insulting
garbage. It’s actually the new Citizen Kane.
1. Space Jam: A New Legacy: I have seen God, his name is Porky Pig, and he
has a rap battle with Don Cheadle in this film. That is all. It is objectively
the best movie. Not only from 2021, but also in all of history. When I
saw all the pop culture references that I recognized I was moved to tears.
Lebron James gives a masterclass in acting and never before has a movie
been more epic.