The Gustavian Weekly

Calendar (4/26/13)

By Justin Feit Calendar Editor | April 26, 2013 | Calendar

The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather the transcripts of one of the accreditation meetings people keep talking about. I think they went off topic.

Friday, April 26

Coca-Cola Educational Partnership Grant Reception: Heritage Banquet Room 3:30 p.m.

I haven’t been invited back since I asked for a Pepsi.

Spring Swing Dance: Alumni Hall 7 p.m.

They have been angrily waiting for the temperatures to rise to hold this event.

Big Speaker: Jeffrey Tambor: Christ Chapel 8 p.m.

Whoa, CAB. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he’s big. That’s kinda rude.

Weekend Movie: Gangster Squad: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.

I hate to see what s***ty titles didn’t make the cut for this movie.

Saturday, April 27

Weekend Movie: Gangster Squad: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.

Let’s be real, Ryan Gosling is the only member of this squad that’s worth a damn. Right, girls?

Sunday, April 28

Gustie Cup: Ultimate Frisbee

Lund Arena 1 p.m.

Regular frisbee just feels inadequate these days.

Cardio Fusion: Lund 224 6 p.m.

Not to be confused with Kim Jung Un’s experimental nuclear exercise program “Cardio Fission.”

Weekend Movie: Gangster Squad Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.

There ain’t no shame in having a taste for that Ryan Gosling man candy. None whatsoever.

Monday, April 29

Provost’s Listening Post: Jackson Campus Center 12 p.m.

Provost Braun is going to sit on top of a tall pedastal in the middle of the campus posting stuff on Overheard at Gustavus.

Tuesday, April 30

Boosting Your Reading Comprehension: Culpeper Language Center 3 p.m.

Try logging off Facebook for once.

Wednesday, May 1

Epsilon Pi Awareness: Courtyard Café 7 p.m.

Those Eppies are as sweet as blood sugar.

Thursday, May 2

Teachers Talking Writing: St. Peter Room 11:30 a.m.

This is where professors make fun of s***ty papers.

Feit-sty Not Really Horoscopes

Aries: It all makes sense: The lack of spring was Mother Nature’s elaborate April Fool’s joke.

Taurus: She is so smug thinking she can pull off that kind of hoax just because she can make tornadoes and stuff.

Gemini: Is it not cool to bash President Ohle anymore?

Cancer: I’m finally eligible for the NFL Draft. Wish me luck!

Leo: There weren’t any drug violations on 4/20?! Check the Campus Safety report!

Virgo: The Hulk has been making some serious progress in therapy lately by finding out his triggers. If you see him, give him some words of encouragement.

Libra: Aaron Sorkin has got to have his own religion by now with all of the preaching he does with The Newsroom.

Scorpio: After getting stopped by Campus Safety, pulling a Reese Witherspoon by asking, “Do you know my name?” might just work.

Sagittarius: Spring semester senior year is like a game of Chutes and Ladders with only chutes.

Capricorn: Can we just go give some hugs to all of those angry people on the atheism posters?

Aquarius: We couldn’t get Will Arnet to come to campus? C’MON!

Pisces: It’s a good thing Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t talk about all of his dreams. That one dream where he lost all of his clothes would have detracted from the message.