The Gustavian Weekly

If Obama wins: A satire | The Gustavian Weekly

By Kavan Rogness Staff Columnist | October 31, 2008 | Opinion

Note: The following is a satire. The intent is to lampoon conservative fears of an Obama victory. Please do not take this seriously.

It is has been three years since Barack Obama was elected, and his 2012 reelection campaign has prompted many to look back upon the last three years to explore the changes that have taken place. Indeed, the changes have been vast, causing many to call these years the Second American Revolution, as the entire sociopolitical landscape of this nation has shifted.

The most notable change has perhaps been the installation of Islam as the national religion. While many were skeptical about Obama’s status as a Muslim, he soon “converted” in the eyes of the media after his ascension to office and led the charge in making Islam an officially recognized religion. While neither Christianity nor any other religion has been outlawed, reports of discrimination have been filtering into the media.

This shift in national religious thought has led to a dramatic shift in global relations. America’s relations with the largely Christian Europe have cooled, and relations with Israel have become particularly tense. Israel is now concerned that America, once its greatest ally, will no longer stand with it in the likely impending Iran/Israel conflict. After Obama’s withdrawal of troops from Iraq, Iran quickly took over the fledgling democracy, further promulgating concerns of a Middle Eastern terrorist state. While the UN expressed outrage over this invasion, no action was taken as the region was greatly destabilized by the withdrawal of American presence.

Tensions with the UN stemmed from the American withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan as well. The Taliban has resumed its oppressive rule in that country. Critics of Obama have criticized him heavily for meeting with the leaders of the governments of Iran and Afghanistan, accusing him of wanting him to establish diplomatic ties with oppressive or terrorist regimes. Obama declined to address such criticisms.

Back in America, Obama’s election coincided with the widespread election of Democrats to offices across the nation. This has given Democrats an unprecedented control over Congress, particularly after the 2010 success of their party. Republicans lost numerous seats, largely due to their former association with the Bush presidency.

Once such unprecedented control of the government by one party was achieved, change swept the political landscape. Conservative critics of the new “economic redistribution plan” immediately labeled the system communism, generating a large outcry from the right. The reforms have passed anyway, creating a system that many Democrat pundits have lauded as “Obamatopia.” While the wealthy now complain about the reduction of their previously massive fortunes (indeed, being a billionaire is now illegal, which has angered Oprah, once Obama’s greatest supporter), the numbers of those living in poverty have nearly been reduced to zero.

While many have hailed Obama as a national hero, others have been rather critical. The largest such faction has found its headquarters in Alaska, home of the controversial conservative leader Governor Sarah Palin. Many people belonging to this conservative movement have flocked to Palin’s state. Alaska has remained more conservative than any other state in the Union and has earned a position lauded by conservative bigwigs like Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh as the “Last True America.”

Indeed, there have been rumors that Palin intends to launch an Alaskan revolution in which Alaska would secede from the United States and become its own nation. In this scenario, many believe that Sarah Palin would become President of the new Alaskan America, the rumored title of the nation being developed on a variety of websites. Reports have surfaced that Palin has used her close ties with Russia to gauge international opinion on such a movement. Likewise, Texans are closely monitoring this movement, and should it be successful, Texas may secede as well. Mexico is reportedly in favor of such a secession. There is no word yet on whether the two fledgling nations, should they form, would unite into one nation, or if they would create diplomatic or economic ties.

The America of 2011 is vastly different from the one in existence when Obama was elected in 2008. The event was hailed as “The Beginning of Change.” Indeed, change has been swift and extends further than any thought possible. Obama’s opponent, former Senator John McCain, perhaps said it best before his death in 2009: “Like it or not, you can’t deny the power of Obama.”