“Nick? What do you think about that?” my grandfather asked his now very confused grandson. “Sorry, what was that? I zoned out for a minute.” “Did you hear about the amendment that’s going to be on the ballot? You know, to re-define marriage?” I smiled weakly and nodded, mostly to stop myself from any other reaction, formulating the perfect response and mentally preparing for war. … Continue reading …not tolerant
Data log. Part six. There has never been, in the history of Earth’s evolution, any animal so ridden with self-loathing as the White-Skinned Human (we say “White-Skinned,” out of convenience, as while not all of these unfortunate creatures actually have white skin, the vast majority of them do). We spoke in the previous chapter of this creature’s relationship with food, and how its dietary habits … Continue reading On the nature and behavior of the White-Skinned Human
Are you sitting down, dear reader? I have something to tell you. It may come as a bit of a shock. I mean … maybe it’s not … it’s probably been obvious that I’m not … umm … “normal.” You probably noticed from the way I talk or the way I dress. I don’t really like sports and I don’t spend much time flirting with … Continue reading …a nerd
As I sat watching new sod being laid on the new mall, I couldn’t help but wonder: when did it become voluntary to care about things outside of ourselves? Maybe the botanists in the Biology department disagree, but this new sod requires a lot of water, it is not native to the area and it is unnecessary considering the amount of grass already on campus … Continue reading Who cares?
Yeah, I know. Crazy, isn’t it? After all those warnings about college being a place where “people get drunk” and where “people have parties,” look what I go ahead and do: I have one beer. And I’m going to do it every weekend now. The one beer even tasted good. Well, it tasted mediocre. Subpar. I mean I wouldn’t go out and get one beer … Continue reading Watch out everybody, I just had a beer
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” -Anonymous Most of us can attest to having heard this statement at various points in our lives. Whether in reference to an appliance, a behavior or even a relationship, the steadfast idiom has long been deeming mediocrity acceptable. So what should be done, then, when mediocrity falls into disrepair? That is the challenge presented to Residential Life in … Continue reading The house that Q&A built
Remember 9/11? You did, right? I mean, it’s not like since the morning of September 11, 2001 we’ve been indoctrinated by fear and nationalism. Since the moment the tragedy occurred, we have been told to “remember 9/11”. Before we even had the chance to think about forgetting, we have been reminded to never forget the atrocities of 9/11. But what is it, exactly, that we … Continue reading Remember 9/11
Despite the optimism I shared in last week’s article, the prevailing theme of my summer in Washington DC was that the human race remains as flawed as ever. Look no further than the aptly named “Weinergate” scandal and its unfortunately named victim. Given our culture’s fixation with fantastically flawed people, I thought readers might enjoy this highlight reel of my ineptitude. For those who follow … Continue reading If men were angels
Odds are you’ve heard the rumors. The air is buzzing with them, as it has been for … over two years, now? Well in case you haven’t heard, or read last week’s headlines, allow me the honor of delivering the low-down: talks between Student Senate and the Dean’s office about renovating the Dive have started once again. Talks of renovations, include the possibility of installing … Continue reading Want to see it happen? Make it happen
Ah, fall. Sunburns give way to spray-tans that would make a bag of Cheetos jealous, the aging leaves have trouble hiding their yellows and try to cover them up with flaming reds, and indecisive Minnesota weather brings with it the intriguing sweatshirt/shorts/Uggs “fashion” statement. Somewhere, an alarm clock forcefully reminds a hangover that class started ten minutes ago, and another crop of students start freaking … Continue reading Psyched out
