How’s India?

This is a question I’m still not sure how to answer. In fact, the longer I’m in India, the less certain I am of my answer.

The JPSC India program is not a typical study abroad experience.

I am not traveling around the country or continent each weekend.

I am not taking classes solely focused on the local customs, food, or language.

I have not watched a single Bollywood film.

I have not seen an elephant. Or a camel. (Or a cobra, thank God)

I will not be visiting the Taj Mahal.

But when I’m asked, I feel the need to answer based on what people are expecting to hear from someone who is studying abroad.

Yes, the food here is amazing.

Yes, the spiciness made me cry and sweat at first, but I’ve grown to love it.

No, it’s not that hot. (At least not in Bangalore where I’m staying)

Yes, there are cows everywhere. And dogs. (And sometimes monkeys and pigs)

No, I’m still not sure how drivers here manage to avoid other cars, rickshaws, bikes, cows, dogs, and pedestrians.

Yes, my classes are interesting. Very different from the classes I’m used to taking, but in a good and necessary way.

Yes, I’m excited for our field visits.

Yes, I’ve participated in festivals and visited temples.

Yes, the group of people I’m with is wonderful.

While all of these things are true, I’m not sure if they accurately describe what I’m experiencing in India.

I’m actually learning more about myself than India.

I’m learning about the privilege I have as a white, middle class, educated, able-bodied American. Privilege that I never acknowledged before. Privilege that I can’t change but need to give up.

I’m having a bit of an identity crisis. Talking about privilege forces me to look at the things I’ve accomplished throughout my life in a different light. Did I accomplish these things because of my hard work or because of my privilege?

I’m realizing even though I don’t consciously think my skin color should be anymore meaningful than my hair or eye color, people around the world have been socialized to believe white skin is superior. This characteristic I have no control over gives me a privilege so many people around the world will never have.

I’m realizing just how many things have been left out of my education. Why are the majority of textbooks I’ve read written from a privileged, white, (often male) perspective? Why are the experiences of marginalized groups not being taught accurately in every high school in America? Who gets to decide what events and perspective makes it into the textbooks I read in school? How does this limited perspective affect the way I see the world?
I’m overwhelmed by all the injustice in the world. I feel like I need to fix everything we talk about in class.

I’m learning that it’s not possible for me to work on every issue. But since all of the injustices are interconnected, if I work on one, I’m helping them all.

I’m learning there is a difference between trying to solve the symptoms of injustice and trying to solve the root causes.

I knew I was applying for a unique study abroad program. That was what I wanted. I knew this program was going to challenge me and give me a different perspective on the world. But I wasn’t prepared to have it totally turn my world upside down. I wasn’t expecting to be questioning my identity. There was so much I didn’t know I didn’t know before coming to India.

I’m glad I’m here and learning all these things. But at the same time I sometimes wish I could go back to the blissful ignorance I had before coming to India. But that wouldn’t help anyone. I may be overwhelmed and confused at the moment, but I think that’s a necessary step in figuring out how I fit into these injustices and what I can do to make a difference.