Tori Smith – Former Art Major

There are few things in life that ruffle my feathers. People chewing too loudly, talking too loudly or breathing too loudly are just a few that I can think of off the top of my head.
After the art installation fiasco here on campus, however, the art department just shot to the top of that list.
A few weeks ago, a student installed what they considered to be an “art piece” outside of the dining hall. The piece consisted of a life-size statue of a dog chained to the side of the building. It was a mangy-looking mutt, covered in dirt and mud, and it was so skinny you could see its rib cage.
It was a pretty realistic piece, and I think it evoked a strong response from the community because some students would leave food and blankets out for him. I guess that was nice of them to do, but it’s not like the dog was cute or anything. I, for one, did not care to see this filthy dog begging outside my dining hall.
In order to remove this eye-sore from my sight, I contacted the art department. As one could imagine, they droned on and on about how the piece was an example of “interactive art” and that it “encourages discourse around the topic of animal welfare and assisting the vulnerable” and yada yada yada.
I wasn’t going to listen to any of these lame excuses. I went to the administration directly and told them that I don’t want to see any art that makes me feel uncomfortable. Art is supposed to be pretty, like flowers and rainbows, not gross statues of animals covered in mud.
After many phone calls, the statue was finally removed, and students could feel comfortable on campus again. Peace was restored, all thanks to me.
Despite my heroism, I still feel that there is more work to be done. I fear that the art department will continue their reign of terror on this beautiful campus, and that’s why we need to put an end to it. Let’s face it, the best art has already been made by people like Vincent Van Gogh, Claude Monet and Leonardo DiCaprio. They understood how to make real art without having to come up with some deep meaning behind every piece. The Mona Lisa is just that: a girl named Mona. Nothing more, nothing less.
There’s no reason to keep making art, so why should we even have an art department? It’s a waste of the Crollege’s resources. Instead of spending all that money on so-called “artists” who make me think about things I’d rather just ignore, the college should put that money into the athletics department because I like sports more, plain and simple.
Cutting the art department out of the Crollege’s curriculum would probably save the school a lot of money in renovation costs, too. It’s clear that the art building isn’t going to last another ten to fifteen years without some form of major renovation. The roof is leaking, there’s dirt inside the windows somehow, and there’s not even enough studio space to hold all of the art students.
Instead of fixing these issues to create a bigger and better space for students to create art and grow as artists, why not tear it all down and put in a mini golf course? That would be way more fun for me.
In conclusion, it’s time to face the facts. The art department needs to go. There is no good reason to keep it going besides letting the art students make atrocious art like the statue of the starving dog. Art nowadays just isn’t important anymore, and no one needs to see more of it.
If you want to keep in touch with me and my journey to taking down the art department, you can follow me on my personal Instagram account where I post super artsy pics that always get a ton of likes, or you can follow my second account where I make and sell cute earrings and necklaces to make a little extra cash on the side.
And again, just to reiterate, art is dead so let’s just let it go.