The Gustavian Weekly

Calendar (11/15/2013)

By Justin Feit Calendar Editor | November 15, 2013 | Calendar

* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather the script notes Nic Cage left for National Treasure. The guy gets into his roles.

Friday, Nov. 15

Faculty Shop Talk: Interpretive Center 4:30 p.m.

All of the profs are super excited about shopping for the PlayStation 4.

Hmong New Year Open Mic Night: Courtyard Café 7 p.m.

There will be a variety of great speakers and performers “a Hmong” us.

Weekend Movie: The Spectacular Now: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.

Ummm, I’m a senior. For me, it’s The Spectacular Later.

Saturday, Nov. 16

Hmong New Year: Alumni Hall 5:30 p.m.

It’s too bad Dick Clark isn’t around for this anymore. And it’s also too bad he never had anything to do with the Hmong New Year.

Weekend Movie: The Spectacular Now: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.

A coming-of-age story that premiered at Sundance. Alert the hipster movie snobs; this one is for them!

Sunday, Nov. 17

Weekend Movie: The Spectacular Now: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.

Not to be confused with the livestock documentary, The Spectacular Cow.

Tuesday, Nov. 19

Gustavus College Democrats Presents: Secretary of State Candidate Steve Simon Courtyard Café: 5:30 p.m.

Simon says, “VOTE FOR ME, DAMMIT!”

Butts and Gutts: Lund 217 7 p.m.

I don’t think any campus event titles truly capture the essence of grace quite like Butts and Gutts.

Wednesday, Nov. 20

Soup and Sandwich Seminar: An Overview of Complementary and Alternative Medicine: Interpretive Center 11:30 a.m.

The toothpicks holding your sandwich together will later be used for acupuncture.

Prepare Bible Study: The Dive 7:30 p.m.

Clearly my English professors didn’t edit the Bible. There are four gospels, isn’t that redundant?

Thursday, Nov. 21

Lutheran-Catholic Relations Discussion: Phi Beta Kappa Room 4 p.m.

“LUTHERANS BE WEAK!” – Pope Francis

Homelessness Awareness Benefit: The Dive 7 p.m.

Will this be an event that simply raises awareness? Against all odds, I think they might actually do something.

Feit-sty Not Really Horoscopes

Aries: Over the last few years, the abundant Apple crop has left the Blackberry an unwanted commodity.

Taurus: Yeah, I just sewed up a hole in my shirt. Where do I sign up for Project Runway?

Gemini: It’s John Hancock’s bad boy attitude that makes him unequivocably the sexiest founding father.

Cancer: The Hunger Games in my household involves my cousins fighting to the death over the last slice of pie.

Leo: Giving Gordon Ramsey a cooking show with children should raise so many red flags.

Virgo: The true winner of Survivor is the show itself for lasting this long.

Libra: OMG, WEATHER. F@#$ING DECIDE IF YOU ARE GOING TO BE COLD OR NOT ALREADY.

Scorpio: History hasn’t been kind in naming leaders like Alexander the Average.

Sagittarius: Columbus Day just wasn’t the same this year without stepping over people at lunch.

Capricorn: Ever since all of the good cast members left, Saturday Night Live is becoming Saturday Night Dying Slowly.

Aquarius: Michael Bay hasn’t done anything lately. And you know what? That’s okay.

Pisces: Finding out Haley Joel Osment is alive after all these years is more shocking than anything from The Sixth Sense.