Editor’s note: the following is intended to be satirical. The writer, the editors and the College do not encourage underage drinking or the abuse of alcohol. As anyone associated with this college knows, Gustavus is renowned for its many unique campus events, including the Nobel Conference, Christmas in Christ Chapel and Building Bridges, to name a few. These annually held functions celebrate our school’s rich … Continue reading Ode to Case Day

If you glanced at the New York Times on Monday, you might have seen a photo depicting an assemblage of protestors on the front page. If you had read the accompanying article, you would have seen a vivid description of the most horrific and frighteningly militant example of identity politics in recent years: the Tea Party movement. The article begins by detailing former 70s activist … Continue reading Tea parties: the worst

You’ll notice that I say respect rather than like. Although I certainly love rap, I am not so delusional that I think that this is possible for everyone, but at the same time I plead with you to abandon some of your prejudices so that you may at least appreciate some of the intricate skills, creativity and genius involved in a great deal of rap. … Continue reading Why you should respect rap

They say that age is just a number. And that it’s possible for one to have an “old soul.” But is it possible for a young person to look old, act old and think old? Why hello there, I’m Susan Kranz. As a junior in college I have the amusing curves and dwindling physical aptitude of a 35-year-old, a ‘do I have to purposely mess … Continue reading I am a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker

Brain asks Pinky, “Are you pondering what I’m pondering?” My answer, though not as vapidly resonating as Pinky’s, is, “I think so, Brain…But can we really think globally and act locally to save the world without wearing capes?” Welcome to my ponderings, happily nestled in this week’s leafings of the Weekly. Across the mending walls of nations, waters and time, the news in all its … Continue reading Global and local…where’s our heart?

Here are some things that sum up American culture at this juncture in time. Ketchup, the number one condiment, a shiny, disgusting tripe. Corn syrup and tomato concentrate, sputtering messily and measily out of a garish plastic bottle. Think about it. But wait, you can’t eat a burger without it. And burgers are good. Best not think too hard about it. Also, at the grocery … Continue reading Only Shallow

These days, the world can be a pretty shitty place. Hunger, poverty, pollution and genocide tarnish our globe like greasy, sparse stubble and pimples on a teenage face. But with so many obvious debacles in our world, it is easy to overlook the little things that make our teeth grind. Take a moment with me to examine these recent baneful but petty descents of humanity. … Continue reading I’m right and you’re wrong

I love giving gifts any time of year, but during the holidays I feel like giving also brings a special opportunity to express value and thoughtfulness. I should qualify this by saying I don’t often give monetary gifts, what with tuition and living costs leeching what little fiscal flexibility working a job allows. But gifts do not have to be expensive to be meaningful, and … Continue reading Giving this holiday season

As a child, I spent many hours in the summer, after school, before bed, or pretty much any time, rifling through my many well-loved, ratty and frayed Calvin and Hobbes books. The rambunctious yet contemplative Calvin obviously resonated with me, as I pored over the books nonstop for years. I could tell that something about them was greater and more timeless than the hundreds of … Continue reading Get Rid Of Slimy comicS (G.R.O.S.S.)

It’s been a few weeks since I encouraged you Gusties to find your intentional flailing, your activity that shakes up your bones and awakens your soul. Friends, it is now time to do the same with words! Picture this: it’s midnight and you exit the library doors. The cold air makes your eyes water, beginning the formation of what will most likely be a giant … Continue reading How-are-you-good-how-are-you-good