Raquel Vaughn-

Have you ever looked at your pet and wondered “What in the world are they thinking at this moment?” Well, wonder no further because THE GUSTAVIAN WEEKLY has declared me your pet whisperer. To hone my skills, I interviewed a couple of well-known and lovable cats on campus.

The first one goes by the name of Tortellini Bartholomew, who is owned by Junior Alexis Wendlandt. When I texted Wendlandt asking him if it would be okay to set up an interview with his cat he responded with “Let me ask him.” I was nervous because even though Tortellini is a famous campus cat (he made it in the paper at least one time before), he is still very particular about who is allowed to talk to him. Thankfully, the text I got back from Wendlandt was a begrudgingly positive response of “Yeah, he’s okay with it.” This was my in, the one time I could get Tortellini’s thoughts recorded for the public. It was now or never, so I took the opportunity.

The second cat is owned by Junior Kalissa Dierks and is named Bambino. Bambino is not as particular about who speaks to him the same way Tortellini is. However, he is constantly on the move. He’s a busy cat, always doing something. He’s a fashion icon, a connoisseur of footwear, and a cat of the people. When something is asked of him he doesn’t just deliver. He shows up and he shows out. I contacted Dierks asking if there was any way Bambino could fit me into his busy schedule and her response was “He would love that.” Unfortunately, he could only fit me in enough to have a conversation over the phone.

I met my first interviewee, Tortellini Bartholomew, outside with his owner. They were having a nice little stroll outside by Old Main when I approached them, excited to ask my questions. But Tortellini must have forgotten he agreed to meet because he didn’t greet me once and instead ignored me for almost the entire interview. “Before we start, is there anything you would like the readers to know about you?” Instead of giving me a solid answer, he squinted his eyes and then proceeded to roll in the dirt patch right outside of the Carlson Administration Office. By this point, I knew that this was going to be a tough one to crack. Tortellini is five years old and believed to be a Flame Point Siamese breed cat. But, of course, Tortellini did not confirm or deny this information.

Letting Tortellini’s unprofessionalism roll off my back, my next question was ready at the start: “How have you enjoyed your time at Gustavus?” After chewing on a mouthful of grass he was not hesitant this time to share that he mostly spends his time knocking over to-go boxes and anything that’s propped on a shelf. Wendlandt was quick to add that he also screams when he wants attention or is annoyed and lays around on the futon all day. What Tortellini sees as productiveness, his owner sees as wreaking havoc.

One of the more pressing questions I had for Tortellini was whether or not he’s had food from the Evelyn Young Dining Room. He was proud to admit that he has stolen a chicken from his owner and has developed a strategy to acquire more. First, he stares at Wendlandt without blinking. This is how he creates a sense of intimidation. Second, he puts a paw directly in the to-go box where the food is. This is what we call “toeing the line.” And the last step is sniffing the food, and getting close enough that his nose makes direct contact with whatever is in the to-go box.

Overall, Tortellini’s interview went well enough apart from me accidentally insulting him by calling his paws big. Tortellini, if you’re reading this, it was meant to be a compliment. His sass is unmeasurable but his work as an emotional support animal is beautiful. Tortellini’s form of love is by biting, hissing, and passive-aggressively licking every spot you pet him. But what more could one expect from a cat?

Fortunately, I have the ability to let Bambino Boba Banana Dierks weigh in on what it’s like to be a cat residing on the Hill. Bambino is a lovable cat who enjoys being around “the girlies”. It’s like he was born to wear silly little costumes, sleep in a luxurious bed, and play with his very own toys. Just like Tortellini, he can be loud and he can be vicious.

He is known for his ability to completely devour any type of footwear. Dierks’s own shoes have fallen at the paws and claws of Bambino Boba Banana. I have experienced something similar to Dierks with Bambino but instead of an attempt at demolishment, it was an attempt at thievery. When I first met Bambino, he practically crawled into my white Filas which were chilling by the door. His affinity for shoes, he points out, is probably due to his astrology chart. The Dierks family is well-versed in their own astrology chart, piecing together the true nature of themselves. Bambino is a Cancer Sun and Aries Moon, so he definitely has a rage and a strong sense of emotion to work out…especially when it comes to shoes.

Bambino has told me that when easily scared and desperate for attention he will get loud. But, doesn’t everybody? We laughed about this relatable subject and moved on to how this causes his owner and her roommates to wake up in the middle of the night. But no matter how restless Bambino could be during the night, one cannot beat the midnight zoomies that Tortellini endures.

My interviews with both cats have allowed me to reflect on the life of a pet, especially one that lives on campus. I’m glad to have gotten this opportunity to speak with both interviewees and extend a thank you to the owners.

I hope to share more about Bambino and Tortellini in the future.