Ranking Reese’s

Hailey Brune – Opinion Columnist

Now that Valentine’s day is over, stores are preparing for the next holiday which is Easter. With the preparation of Easter comes a slice of heaven. And that slice of heaven is in the shape of an egg. I am in no way a huge fan of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, in fact I’m allergic to peanut butter, but that doesn’t stop me from worshiping their egg shaped wonders. I have a very specific ranking of Reese’s that I know is correct. We’ll stop at the top because they deserve to be mentioned first, and then we’ll go down the ranking. I understand that they’ll probably be some differences in opinions, but no criticisms will be taken. Only due to the fact of there only being one right answer of course. So, let’s get cooking.
At the top of the list, of course, is the egg shaped Reese’s. There’s the perfect amount of chocolate to peanut butter. It’s very easy for the chocolate to be too much, or for there to be so much peanut butter that you can’t tell that there is chocolate. Easter brings along the reason I decide to forget I have a peanut butter allergy even though I don’t like peanut butter.
The second best would be the original sized Reese’s. The chocolate to peanut butter ratio is good, though not as good as the eggs of course. There’s just something about the originals that are too much. You eat one and have to take a break before being able to eat the second. The eggs and original Reese’s are the best, and I understand it may seem like there’s no reason to go on. Since, we already talked about the best, but at last I will go on to the average, middle of the road Reese’s.
In the middle are the mini Reese’s, the pumpkins, and hearts. The pumpkins are by far the third best. They’re cute and in general are pretty equal. There’s a little bit too much chocolate but their cute little pumpkin bumps make up for it. After that is the heart: they’re just oddly shaped, and there’s something off with the peanut butter and chocolate ratio. They’re not bad, but they don’t shine a light on the eggs. The hearts also hold a weird taste that the others don’t have.
The last shape we have in the average section is the miniature Reese’s. In general they’re pretty good. The outside chocolate is a bit thick for how small they are, and it doesn’t quite line up with the amount of peanut butter in them. I will definitely eat them still, because rolling up the aluminum after opening it is worth putting up with the ratio. Though, there tends to be one other problem that puts them at the bottom of the average list. Almost every time I have one they have an odd taste to them. It’s almost as if they’re all been sitting in a mixed candy jar for the past three years. They’re not awful, but it doesn’t feel exactly trustworthy. With that, the average Reese’s have been ranked, and we can talk about the bottom of the barrel.
The two worst Reese’s are the bats and the Christmas trees. There are bat shaped Reese’s and they’re just too less of everything somehow. Not enough chocolate, peanut butter, or taste. It leaves a lot to be wanted. On the other side of the spectrum are the Christmas trees. The amount of peanut butter in the Christmas trees is enough to make an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich. One good thing about them is that they are large. So, you get what you pay for. Everytime I see them for 75 cents I think I can handle it. Then I take a bite and remember why I dislike them. You take a bite and want to wrap it up and take another bite next year.

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