After three weeks of crying and cursing the school for delaying my move-in, I am finally back on campus; what a relief. Now all is well, and I am as happy as can be. Except that’s not true at all. Somehow, I’ve found myself unhappier than before.
When the school first announced they would be delaying move-in day for upperclassmen, I was extremely frustrated, as in crying-on-the-way-home-from-work frustrated. It felt as if administration was prioritizing some students over others and I was part of the overlooked and ignored group.
After a few days, my frustration and anger subsided, and I decided I would try to make the best of my situation. I cleaned all the junk that had piled on top of the small desk in my bedroom that I hadn’t used since high school, and my parents even bought me my own office chair (thanks, Mom and Dad). I spent a lot of time with my family, even taking a couple trips up to my cabin together before (finally) heading back to campus.
When the day finally came to move in, I was really excited. I packed everything up in my car Saturday morning and made it to campus around noon. I unpacked all my boxes, said my goodbyes to my parents, and I was finally back. Everything was good.
That feeling didn’t last long, though. I soon realized just how lonely it is to be on campus during a global pandemic. No more sitting together with friends for breakfast, lunch and dinner in the Caf. No more fun get-togethers at a friend’s apartment on Friday nights. No more going out to dinner at Patrick’s or Third Street. Now, it’s mostly grabbing food from the Caf and heading back to my dorm to somberly eat alone at my desk. Friday nights are filled with more Netflix than friends, and I have yet to see the inside of a restaurant since March.
In all honesty, I’ve never felt loneliness quite like this. When I was home, I always had my mom, dad, brothers and even my two-year old nephew to keep me company. I could walk around my entire house safely without the need for a mask. Sure, I missed my friends who were already on campus, but I’m back on campus and still miss them. I’ve barely been able to see anyone. Most of my days are filled in my dorm room hunched over my desk either eating, working or studying. So basically exactly what I was doing at home, but in a smaller, lonelier space.
Did I make the right decision by returning to campus? I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been asking myself this question. Whether it’s loneliness, anxiety about COVID-19 or anything else, many students are probably re-thinking their decision to return.
On one hand, I’m happy to be back on campus to regain some sense of normalcy. On the other hand, this semester is far from normal. I am sad, lonely, and with COVID always in the back of my mind, I’ve been on edge.
For anyone seriously re-considering their decision to return to Gustavus, the best resource to reach out to is the Provost’s office. They are encouraging students with any concerns to meet with them to make a plan for the rest of the semester.
The Counseling Center is another resource for students who might be struggling with these changes. They are offering telemental health therapy sessions as well as an abundance of other resources for students, many of which are listed on their website.
Learn to Live is another tool for students dealing with depression, social anxiety, insomnia, substance use, stress, anxiety and worry. Through Gustavus, any of these programs are free for students to use.
Although it’s been a rocky start, I personally am planning to stay until Thanksgiving. I’ll try reaching out to more friends, plan more safe events and enjoy my time alone. This will be difficult, but I am optimistic that I’ll be able to pull myself out of this funk, and if I can’t do it alone, I’ll reach out for help.