The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather the opinions of The RecoRd, St. Benedict/St. John’s Student Newspaper. If you hate it, blame them.
Friday, Nov. 9
Oregon Extension Study Away Info Session: Wallenberg Auditorium 9:30 a.m. – 2:30 p.m.
Oh, hell no. Last time I went to Oregon, four of my kids died due to cholera.
Faculty Shop Talk: Interpretive Center 4:30 p.m.
Given the way some professors dress, this should have happened a long time ago.
Weekend Movie: The Dark Knight Rises: Wallenberg Auditorium 7 p.m.
You mean to tell me that all of Gotham is too stupid to figure out that Batman is Bruce Wayne?
Saturday, Nov. 10
Open B.A.R.: The Dive 7 p.m.
Not Open Bar. You screw up an acronym once and you remember.
Weekend Movie: The Dark Knight Rises: Wallenberg Auditorium 7 p.m.
Sorry about that spoiler earlier with Bruce Wayne and Batman. Won’t happen again.
Sunday, Nov. 11
Weekend Movie: The Dark Knight Rises:Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.
No Maggie Gyllenhaal in this Batman movie? This was the hope Obama promised in ‘08.
Monday, Nov. 12
Talk by Dr. William Moseley of Macalester College: Confer Hall 128 4 p.m.
He doesn’t even go here!
Tuesday, Nov. 13
Church Leadership Lunch: President’s Dining Room 11:30 a.m.
They are serving bread and wine, which concerns me. It’s not even noon.
Diwali Celebration: Banquet Halls 6-8 p.m.
If you don’t come, you will Vishnu did!
Wednesday, Nov. 14
Give to Gustavus Day: In front of cafeteria and online
“Give to Gustavus Day”? I thought it was “Give to Gustavus for the Next 4+ Years All of Your Money and Any Dignity You Can Scrape Together.”
Prepare Bible Study: IC Lounge 7:30 p.m.
They want you to prepare because reading Job is quite the job.
Thursday, Nov. 15
New Faculty Orientation Session: St. Peter Banquet Room 12:30 p.m.
The maps and compasses the administration handed out just aren’t doing the trick.
Garageband Workshop: Culpeper Language Center 4 p.m.
The Beatles went to the same workshop back in the day.
Feit-sty Horoscope
Aries: Beets by Dre is a cash cow waiting to happen. Beet farmers and Dr. Dre should be taking notice.
Taurus: Good luck figuring out your class schedule after the upperclassmen ravage the good classes, first-years.
Gemini: In the alternate universe where Minnesota voted “yes,” Gustavus has been destroyed by an angry gay mob marching to the Capitol.
Cancer: The number of restraining orders against Santa because “he sees when you are sleeping” is finally hitting home with folks.
Leo: The greatest trick the devil played was getting Americans to believe Larry the Cable Guy was funny.
Virgo: Stop wasting your life waiting for a Clay Aiken comeback. He was never here in the first place.
Libra: The electoral vote has been jealous of the popular vote ever since high school.
Scorpio: Against all odds, Joe Biden didn’t say anything to ruin the election twice in a row now.
Sagittarius: The election is over. Now back to complaining about what really matters, like football.
Capricorn: “Lasso what?” asked the sassy cowboy.
Aquarius: Do the losers of elections get tallied in unemployment rates? Methinks I ‘ve found the economy’s problem.
Pisces: Not even the Force will be able to stop the next Star Wars sequel from being bad.