* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather the inner dialogue of President Obama during the debate. He had a lot on his mind.
Friday, Oct. 12
Sophomore Socials: Johns Family Courtyard 3-5 p.m.
With the absence of this event last week, the last seven days have caused the sophomore class to fall into a state of disillusionment.
Shop Talk: Interpretive Center 4:30 p.m.
It’s going to be an emotional discussion at Shopaholics Anonymous this week.
Homecoming: Parade: Eckman Mall 5:30 p.m.
Instead of candy, they are throwing out constant reminders to pay your tuition.
Homecoming: The Pizza-Off: Lund Center Forum 6:30 p.m.
Otherwise known as laundry day for me.
Weekend Movie: Ted: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
Will Mark Wahlberg be more ashamed of Marky Mark, or the fact that he made a movie with a talking teddy bear?
Saturday, Oct. 13
West Mall Dedication and Recognition of Beck Hall Donors: West Mall 10 a.m.
The donors are going to be pissed their money went to make a tornado statue.
Homecoming Concert: Dave Barnes: Alumni Hall 8 p.m.
Jason Derulo backed out. . . AGAIN.
Weekend Movie: Ted: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
This movie is beary good. I hate myself for that one.
Sunday, Oct. 14
Weekend Movie: Ted: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.
Are we ready to call Seth MacFarlane the Orson Welles of our time?
Documentary Play “8:” Christ Chapel 6 p.m.
It’s like 1/2 as good as Fellini.
Monday, Oct. 15
“Christianity & Judaism after the Holocaust,” Exploring Religious Questions Series: Olin 103 7-9 p.m.
I will not make a joke. I will not make a joke. I will not make a joke.
Wednesday, Oct. 17
Free Archives Tour: College Archives 11:30 a.m.
Nothing is free at this college. Don’t be fooled.
Thursday, Oct. 18
Thursday Evenings with the Religion Department: Third Floor of Old Main 6-7:30 p.m.
Either you go or you don’t. Hindu or Hindon’t.
Fika!: Swedish House 9-11 p.m.
This is your destiny. You were Bjorn to be there.
Feit-sty Horoscope
Aries: Skipping class is never quite as cool as Ferris Bueller makes it seem.
Taurus: Your skills at the old Nokia game “Snake” have gotten you nowhere.
Gemini: You look like President Obama during a debate. Good thing Reading Days are soon.
Cancer: The people in front of the Caf on Columbus Day weren’t really dead, were they?
Leo: Does Haley Joel Osment see his career now that it’s dead?
Virgo: Maybe the honey badger does care and is just unhealthily supressing emotions.
Libra: Diet Coke doesn’t really taste like regular Coke. Somebody had to say it.
Scorpio: At some point Maggie Gyllenhaal will have to atone for her role in The Dark Knight.
Sagittarius: Your surroundings are betraying you, like talking about you behind your back.
Capricorn: How long does it take for Mitt Romney to get the perfect amount of gray in his hair?
Aquarius: No job is more hands-on than a clock maker.
Pisces: Santa is one more B & E arrest from prison time.