Calendar (9/21/12)

* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather entries in the personal diary of ex-reality television star Kevin Federline.

Friday, Sept. 21

Fall Research Symposium: Nobel Hall of Science 1:30–5:30 p.m.

But will there be frost-your-owns?

Sophomore Socials: Johns Family Courtyard 3-5 p.m.

Slowly the sophomore class grows stronger and stronger, eventually taking over the campus.

Weekend Movie: Rock of Ages: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.

Just a really long Stonehenge documentary.

Saturday, Sept. 22

6th Annual Minnesota Study Abroad Returnee Conference: University of Minnesota 1-5 p.m.

They call it “Culture Shock Therapy.”

Weekend Movie: Rock of Ages: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.

Do you think Alec Baldwin lost a bet to be in this movie?

SNL with the Hypnotist: Lund Center 10 p.m.

If you aren’t already hypnotized by Tom Cruise’s performance as a rock star named Stacee Jaxx, there’s no hope for you.

Sunday, Sept. 23

Interdenominational Welsh Hymn Festival: First Presbyterian Church, Mankato 1:30-4 p.m.

What?

Weekend Movie: Rock of Ages: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.

Tom Cruise, Russell Brand and ‘80s rock. Everything I hate in the world rolled into one.

Cardio Mixx: Lund 224 6-7 p.m.

One more “x” and I’d be there for sure. For sure.

Monday, Sept. 24

Thirty Minute Cardio Abs: Lund Center 7:30-8 p.m.

It’s going to take more than thirty minutes to prevent that freshman fifteen, sweetheart.

Tuesday, Sept. 25

Careers Possible – Employer Information Day: Heritage & St. Peter Banquet Rooms 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.

Careers Possible . . . It’s a trap!

Wednesday, Sept. 26

Flu Shot Clinic: Heritage Banquet Room 8 a.m-4 p.m.

Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots . . . Everybody!

Chants and Seas Concert: Courtyard Cafe 7 p.m.

Not to be confused with the annual strip poker game, Chance and See.

Thursday, Sept. 27

Explorations in GWS with April Herndon: Linner Lounge – Johnson Student Union 4:30-5:45 p.m.

This talk is going to be feminasty!

New Faculty Orientation: Alumni Hall 7-9 p.m.

Shouldn’t this have been done weeks ago?

Feit-sty Horoscope

Aries: Your obsession with the film Jumanji will be your demise.

Taurus: It’s about time people stopped talking about the Hunger Games.

Gemini: No matter what they all say, your insistence on gaining Spiderman powers will come true.

Cancer: Saying someone is fly doesn’t make sense. They are small, annoying insects.

Leo: Look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What makes the Burger King king so creepy?”

Virgo: “I see dead people.” – Pac Man

Libra: In an effort to garner the child vote, the Romney campaign has published the book, Mittens Romney Goes to Washington.

Scorpio: What makes clowns scary is their ignorance towards the size of everyday objects.

Sagittarius: Your penchant to leave voicemails is why you have no friends.

Capricorn: There is no greater disappointment than showing up to an event with free pizza only to find caf pizza.

Aquarius: One of these days the poor economy is going to catch up with the Tooth Fairy.

Pisces: Monopoly seems to have a monopoly on the board game market.

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