The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The Gustavian Weekly, but is in fact a big old moldy bowl of potato salad left in the back of your fridge by your uncle on the fourth of July
Friday, Feb. 24
The Movers Walking Club: Lun @ 12:40 p.m.
My new organization is going to punch The Movers right in the jaw. Come join The Movers Clocking Club.
African Night: Alumni Hall @ 6:00 p.m.
Weirdly enough, they also have a Minnesota night in Africa. Everyone wears a Northface and when it comes time for traditional Minnesota dancing everyone goes and stands by the food.
Leadership Training in Nonviolence: Board Room @ 6:30 p.m.
The military has launched a new Nonviolence Division. It only took a few weeks to learn that stealth hunger strikes needed to be rethought.
Lineus Show: The Dive @ 7:00 p.m.
LineUs has recently given up comedy and taken to improv drama. Please bring the following suggestions: 1. A third world country. 2. A plague. 3. An adorable animal.
Assassins, The Musical: Anderson Theatre @ 8:00 p.m.
What if Lee Harvey Oswald was just planning to hold up the Texas Schoolbook depository at the wrong time?
Saturday, Feb. 25
Scholarship Day
Competition: Everywhere @ All day.
Enjoy wearing those suits, prospies, ‘cause it’s sweat pants for the next fours years.
Leadership Training in Nonviolence: Interpretive Center @ 10:00 a.m.
Be like Rosa Parks. Don’t take oppresson sitting dow- … oh.
Assassins, The Musical: Anderson Theatre @ 8:00 p.m.
What Fraternity do assassins belong to?
Kappa Kappa Kappa.
( A joke for those of you who are “street”)
Sunday, Feb. 26
Assassins, The Musical: Anderson Theatre @ 2:00 p.m.
How well does being an assassin pay? Well, you make a killing.
Brazilian Carnival: Alumni Hall @ 6:00 p.m.
Brazil, you’re just awful at lent.
Monday, Feb. 27
The Movers Walking Club: Lund @ 12:40 p.m.
We’ll turn ‘em into boats! We’ll put ‘em on a dock! The Mover’s Docking Club!
Okay. I am officially out of Mover’s rhymes. End of an era.
Tuesday, Feb. 28
Understanding Gustavus: Exploring its Lutheran Identity: President’s Dining Room @ 11:30 a.m.
At Gustavus it’s hard to distinguish between protestant work ethic and Adderall ground up in Red Bull.
Dickens/Darwin Double Birthday Celebration: Library, GLA Reading Room @ 1:30 p.m.
Sounds like the best of times.
Then again …
G.O.L.D. Course: The Five Practices of Exemplary Leaders: Beck Hall @ 6:30 p.m.
1. Creativity
2. …. Ah, screw it.
G.O.L.D. Course: The Value of Difference: Beck Hall @ 7:30 p.m.
Like the difference between what I pay and what I owe. People seem to value that more than they should.
Wednesday, Feb. 29
Peace Corps Information Presentation: Linner Lounge @ 4:30 p.m.
Huge rivalry with that non-violent branch of the military.
Thursday, Mar. 1
Open Meeting for Academic Dean Candidate #3: Alumni Hall @ 11:00 a.m.
You mean there’s another? The other candidates must feel so used!
Shady Horoscope
Aries: Pull the third book on the second shelf. Stand Back.
Taurus: You’ll never get that porpoise out of your shower.
Gemini: Watch your wrists. Clams bite.
Cancer: You’re going to be in the background of the next Justin Beiber album. Say Goodbye to life as you knew it.
Leo: You’re going to end up sleeping in a vat of marmalade this week. Sorry.
Virgo: After Assassins ends, Renee Guitar won’t know what to do with her life and will begin choreographing your daily routine.
Libra: You’ll wander into an abandoned furby factory. And that will pretty much be the end of your sanity.
Scorpio: You would be surprised by just where a blue whale can show up.
Sagittarius: The stork that delivered you as a child will start following you around. Evidently God issued a recall.
Capricorn: Laser hats. Get ready for ‘em.
Aquarius: Lick the large hadron collider. The fate of the world is in your hands.
Pisces: It ain’t gonna be quick. It ain’t gonna be painless, but it sure will get you famous.