About a month ago, I awoke in a dreary daze to the screeching of my alarm clock, my body unwilling to leave the womb-like covers of my bed. My head throbbed and ached due to an over-consumption of Vault and frost-your-owns the night before. The room reeked of Cheez-its and stale pizza. As I struggled to gain consciousness, I was immediately confronted by the existential quandary of my existence. For what purpose should I leave my bed at all? Is there any higher meaning to cause me to put my pants on? Was I put on this planet only to suffer a long and lonely life?

I slowly tumbled out of bed and onto the floor. Is there anything to look forward to besides more classes, more homework, more boring weekends and more ridicule from my professors? And why do I even bother attending this small liberal arts college in this measly town in this measly state? Surely there’s something more productive I could do with my life.

At the prodding of my roommate, I lethargically got up and stumbled to my computer. Perhaps the Internet could provide a solution to my existential dilemma. I checked my e-mail. Nope, no meaning there. I checked Facebook. Definitely not, just my friends’ recent activity in Farmville. I scoured Wikipedia but only came across increasingly dense and abstract articles. Finally, I decided to click our campus homepage. I was shocked to see the yellow, gray and blue website missing, along with Gustavus’ five core values cycling through on screen. Instead, I was gazing upon a totally redesigned site complete with a forest green background and jumbo-sized photographs of campus. At the top, in big bold letters read “Gustavus Adolphus College: Make your life count.” In that moment, I had an epiphany: I attend Gustavus Adolphus College … and as a consequence of attending this school … my life counts!

I had never realized up until that point how much existential value Gustavus possesses, that by being accepted to this institution, one’s life suddenly counts in the grand scheme of things. In fact, I think it’s a great bargain for the money: pay $40,000 for four years, make you life count for the remainder of your days—I mean, who can beat that? Sure, major religions offer eternal salvation and enlightenment, but can they make your life count? Maybe, maybe not. At Gustavus, however, it’s automatic. It’s as if the chapel organ is preloaded with “your life counts” dust to sprinkle on every incoming class at Convocation.
Given its monopoly on meaning, I feel extremely fortunate to have picked Gustavus over other schools. The taglines of other colleges don’t pack nearly as much philosophical punch as ours. St. John’s tagline is “Inspired learning, inspired lives.” Now inspiring lives is one thing, but making your life count is just so deep, so cutting-edge! Augsburg College tries to maximize its existential image by having multiple taglines such as “Augies are lifelong learners,” “Augies have their eyes on the world” and “Augies get the experience of a lifetime.”

While all of these are fine and good, I don’t see anything along the lines of “Augies make their lives count.” Nice try, Augsburg. St. Thomas, however, gives our school a run for its money with the tagline “Challenge yourself, change our world.” Although this tagline may seem superior in terms of ambition and compassion, it totally fails in the simplicity department since it contains five words instead of four. Again, Gustavus wins.

After rejoicing in the inherent meaning my life has at Gustavus, I began to wonder about those who haven’t attended our school. Does my life really count more than theirs? In high school, I had many talented friends who ended up at colleges across the country. I can’t imagine achieving anything greater than they could. Neither my parents nor any of my relatives were Gusties, but they have all lived successful lives. My grandpa, for example, served our country in postwar Germany, fathered eight kids, became a doctor and still lives an active life. I think it’s safe to say he’s made his life count.

Regardless of the money put into ‘rebranding’ Gustavus, I highly doubt our lives as Gusties will become any more valuable or meaningful than individuals at other institutions. While we have many great programs and opportunities here, it seems arrogant to suggest that Gustavus exclusively makes life count. And the extent to which our lives do count doesn’t just depend on our education here, but also the lifelong investments of our friends and family. So if you think your life suddenly matters once you step foot on campus, remember: it already did.