Tegan Hirman – Opinion Columnist It has come to my attention this past weekend that the American Girls Doll store in the Mall of America, no longer exists. I don’t know about you, but since I started college, I have been feeling extremely nostalgic. My plans for next weekend were to visit the American Girl Doll store, to reminisce of all of the cold winter afternoons … Continue reading A trip down memory lane

Bella Loxtercamp – Squirrel Investigator The following message comes from a news article written by the squirrels. Gustavus’s branch of the Federal Squirrel Investigation (FSI) intercepted and translated it early this morning. It may be unsettling to some readers. Proceed at your own risk. Education is good. You didn’t need me to tell you that. Video games don’t give the same salaries, job opportunities, or futures … Continue reading Breaking news: humans more intelligent than we thought

Jonas Doerr – Opinion Writer Are Gusties really golden? We are the Golden Gusties, after all, but would it be more appropriate to call us the Yellow Gusties instead? Before you throw me out for sheer ridiculousness, let me explain. I’m not talking about the people actually looking golden. I have never seen anyone resembling C-3PO wandering around campus, and I’m sure I never will. Maybe … Continue reading Are gusties really golden?

Clare Greeman – Average Sitcom Watcher I’ve had some years to reflect and I still don’t understand why Friends experienced such a large resurgence. The power of nostalgia is strong; I’ll be the first to admit that it’s practically my whole ‘writing brand’, but I never thought that things that were boring, badly developed, and lacking any depth would be impervious to this power. Because with … Continue reading Why How I Met Your Mother is better than Friends

Cadence Paramore – Squirrel Translator We have always feared the Furless Giants. They would shoo us and call us “rodents.” It never bothered me, but I learned to stay away. To avoid interaction. I lived most of my life scrounging on what nuts I could find from local trees and feasting on the Furless One’s remains that they’d place into strange plastic containers. I thought I … Continue reading An ode to the furless giants

Jonas Doerr – Opinion Columnist Education is good. You didn’t need me to tell you that. Video games don’t give the same salaries, job opportunities, or futures that education does, except for a few talented people. So why doesn’t everyone fill their free time with hours of rereading the syllabus and memorizing profs’ presentations? If you already do that, congrats – I think. But many people would … Continue reading Make school more like video games

Tori Smith – Opinion Columnist It’s a subject that most people, myself included, choose to avoid in most conversations, but it’s a topic that affects approximately 65% of women, according to the CDC. For people who are unaware about the topic, welcome to Birth Control 101: An introduction into the scary world of women’s health. To begin, it’s important to learn why women take birth control … Continue reading Let’s talk about birth control, shall we?

Clare Greeman – Toy Expert During the resurgence of low rise jeans, the Twilight renaissance, and late 90s rom-com revivals that nobody asked for there will soon be no stone unturned in the quest for us Gen-Zer’s to relive our childhoods/infancy. That being said, there is one area in the discussion that is woefully lacking; the thing that actually fueled our childhoods are the things that … Continue reading The best “for girls” toys of the early 2000’s

Hailley Brune – Opinion Columnist As somebody with little to no dietary restrictions, I don’t think about food availability often. I hardly notice where the alternative food options are or what they consist of. While having dinner with two classmates it came up how little alternative food options there are, for vegetarians, but especially for vegans. I was surprised since we have the Vari Veggy … Continue reading More options for soda than vegan food

Bella Loxtercamp – Squirrel Investigator The squirrels of Gustavus are organizing to overthrow. When I first moved on campus, I thought they were cute. I wanted to catch one and keep it as a pet, and I seriously considered petitioning to change Gus the Lion to Gus the Squirrel. Being adorable, however, doesn’t equal being friendly. The squirrels here are a different breed. They skitter about, … Continue reading The squirrels: friend or foe?