In my sophomore year, I enrolled in a class on existentialism. The first thing the professor said as he walked into the classroom was directed to me: “My god, you’re the most wholesome looking individual I’ve ever seen.” And I was branded as such for the rest of the semester, for the rest of the year. His statement didn’t make much sense to me, not … Continue reading I could fall madly in bed with you

There are few weekends when all members of the Kranz family are home, when the two college-aged hooligans have both returned to do laundry, when the dad and the older brother are not at the cabin and when the mom isn’t out of town. These weekends usually make the dog really confused. “Why are all my humans home at the same time?” I can tell … Continue reading What’s your family routine?

I am up to my eyeballs in thinking about my thesis these days. I’m a philosophy major, so thinking is sort of what we’re destined to do, but don’t let anyone tell you that it’s easy work. Formulating complete ideas is tough. My thesis is about experience and knowing, and although I won’t bore you with the details, I’m taking a close look at the … Continue reading How can we know God?

* Happy, in this context, has more than just one meaning. But M. Night Shyamalan didn’t get famous by putting the twist in the title, did he? A lot of media attention has been given to the spike in suicides among homosexual teens during the last year.  The “It Gets Better Project” is a prevention movement launched in response to the problem of these suicides. … Continue reading Is happy*

Ladies and Gentlemen, while I hate to begin here with an apology, I’m afraid I have to. You see, I am about to do math, and that is never a good thing. You have my most heartfelt and sincere regret. However, I will endeavor to show all of my work so if I make any mistakes, everyone will know and subsequently bombard me with shoes. … Continue reading In which our hero laments

Any response to my title? Words inherently evoke reaction. When John Wooden wrote, “Don’t let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do,” he didn’t intend to have the reader tilt his or her head and say, “Well, isn’t that nice.” He wanted ACTION. Change. Courageous effort! The only one who can do that is you! When humans write with words, we participate … Continue reading 7ate9

There is an unspoken (and sometimes spoken) hierarchy to collegiate majors. Some disciplines are deemed harder than others or more prestigious or more marketable or smarter or whatever. These sorts of reputations lead to assumptions about the futures and IQs of the students therein. I have heard a biochemistry major say, “We can’t help it. We make fun of other majors,” and truly it’s a … Continue reading What is the purpose of a degree in the humanities?

OMG u guys i am so drunk rite now. i can barely type this. im almost as drunk as i was last friday nite. last friday nite the vagina monologues opened. haha thats so funny—the vaginas opened! but the only monologue my vagina had was with some guys crotch at the dive. it was so great. so heres what happened: i was wearing  my new … Continue reading Can I stick my butt in your crotch?

The word passion might paint a picture of Fabio posing for his hundredth romance novel that your mom secretly reads. Passion is tied to feelings of love and lust and is often given a bad connotation. But, in fact, I feel quite the opposite! Passion is evident in all of our lives, whether in small quantities or bursting through your figurative seams. The passion I … Continue reading The importance of passion

Author’s note: The following is a work of satire. Please do not take it literally or personally. Whether or not this column’s title got your attention, I am going to discuss the topic of sex. This shouldn’t surprise you, since sex is talked about a lot on campus. A LOT. It seems like I can’t spend an hour in one spot without hearing about “the … Continue reading Abolish sex on campus