Warning: Both idle and intentional double entendres abound. Absurdity is the foundation of humor, which is probably why we find sex so consistently funny. If you took away the desire and pleasure components of the sexual endeavor, I think we would all have a great deal of trouble not laughing whenever it comes up. I guess you would also have to remove our psychological investment … Continue reading Sex: The unenlightening opinions of a young, straight male

This past weekend I indulged in a juicy burger topped not with flaccid lettuce, ordinary cheese and banal ketchup, but with a delicious combination of peanut butter and barbeque sauce. It was sweet, it was nutty, it was—as you can imagine—quite gooey. The peanut butter brought out the sweetness of the barbeque sauce, and the tanginess of the barbeque sauce perfectly complemented the rich nuttiness … Continue reading Peanut butter and BBQ sauce: Delicious or disgusting?

As I write, I am staring out the third floor library window at the New Academic Building. Now that the exterior is mostly complete, we can see the final shape that years of hard work and millions of dollars have taken. However, as I sit in our library, I am reminded that I need to leave soon because the building closes at 6:00 p.m. on … Continue reading In which our hero prioritizes

Let me begin this little escapade in the defense of smoking by saying I don’t smoke. I don’t like cigarettes and think they’re disgusting. But I am the only one in my immediate family, who doesn’t smoke. I think that it’s a poor decision for individuals to make in general. Smoking itself has proven to have negative effects, and second-hand smoke can be harmful. That … Continue reading Smoking mad

Today’s column is going to be a little different. In a month from now, hundreds of Gusties (including me) will graduate from this institution—a thought big enough to shake the usual coherence from my writing style. First thought: what next?  We all have plans—some more concrete than others—but there are a lot of things to think about.  We live in boxes and for the last … Continue reading Examining life in disarray

It’s around a month until we all say our good-byes for the year and 75 percent of us will get to see each other next year. Dear Seniors, I can’t relate just yet, but seeing you all have minor and major meltdowns is making me seriously nervous. It’s amazing how easily I forget that I can’t be in college forever. Why can’t the best four … Continue reading Frozen at 20?

Every year around this time, some controversy seems to erupt that gets everyone on campus talking. Past wars of words have ranged from college administrative politics to missing newspaper conspiracies. This year, the point of contention materializes in the question: “Can we be good without God?” It goes without saying that the formal debate addressing this topic on May 15 will hardly come close to … Continue reading Believing in responsibility

Sunless tanner makes me smell like Cheeze-Its. I discovered this in high school. When spring had arrived and heavy winter layers were shed, I would lather my body in sunless tanning lotion, not wanting to hurt others’ eyes (or my own) with my stark paleness. But the lotion must have had a funky reaction with my body oils, resulting in an aroma on my skin … Continue reading How not to greet spring

In the past few weeks, advertisements sponsored by the Fellowship of Christian Athletes have been placed around campus announcing a debate: “Can we have Good without God?” If you have seen the posters, you may have noticed the deliberate WWE-style “in this corner: the ex-pastor atheist” VS. “and in this corner: the moral Christian Athlete” format. Clearly, we’re meant to think that on May 15, … Continue reading Can we have Good without God?