The above phrase may paint a picture in your mind of college clichés: drunken toga parties, stacks of empty pizza boxes, or playing frisbee in the mall. Somehow this doesn’t resonate with Gustavus. Sure, we play frisbee and gorge on Godfather’s once in a while (R.I.P. PJ’s), but when it comes to toga parties, Gustavus’s rank as the 20th most sober school in the country … Continue reading The college experience
I got the chance to learn last week about an incredibly important piece of legislation making its way through Congress this year. It’s called the Dream Act, meant to help tens of thousands of children illegally brought to this country by family members to gain rights that all people should have access to. As I sat in this meeting, I was struck with disbelief at … Continue reading We need to think about ourselves a little more, yes?
Have you seen him? I have no idea where he is. It’s four o’clock already and he’s got classes until one-thirty, and the kid comes back to the room religiously afterward. Um, is that not a red flag that something is horribly wrong? How am I even supposed to read my biology book and watch Family Guy at the same time without wondering where the … Continue reading Where’s My Roommate?!
Few among us can say that bathroom graffiti has profoundly influenced our political views. That hasn’t stopped some Gustavus students from trying to influence us, though, as anyone who ever spent a study break on a library toilet has doubtless witnessed. I recently found one such piece very intriguing, however: the ominous pronouncement that “CAPITALISM FAILED BIG TIME.” We have to assume that at least … Continue reading The McNasty side of capitalism
Gustavus hates conservatives. You know it’s true. It’s not the fact that the liberal professors are indoctrinating the students in preparation for a Communist revolution, nor is it the fact that we allow, *shudder*, atheists on our campus. Conservatives must be so outnumbered and so closed off from the rest of the school because there is a systematic plan to get rid of them all, … Continue reading Why Gustavus hates Conservatives
“Don’t tell them you’re from Gustavus, though. They’ll think you’re—well, they’ll assume you’re desperate.” “Wait, what?” At least that was my reaction. About six months ago, I happened to be shopping at the Penny’s in River Hills down in Mankato, picking up a few President’s Ball items. In the process of discussing the streamlining dynamics of lace briefs under tight dresses with the girl behind … Continue reading Supply and demand
“Thank goodness for Facebook.” There’s a thought that has crossed a lot of minds. I know I’ve had this moment: dead cellphone suffocating your plans or lost numbers keeping you out of touch. Maybe you’ve got no info on your study group except one dude’s last name, so where do you turn? Oh, right, the social hub everyone visits constantly that can be accessed from … Continue reading Everything in moderation
“Nick? What do you think about that?” my grandfather asked his now very confused grandson. “Sorry, what was that? I zoned out for a minute.” “Did you hear about the amendment that’s going to be on the ballot? You know, to re-define marriage?” I smiled weakly and nodded, mostly to stop myself from any other reaction, formulating the perfect response and mentally preparing for war. … Continue reading …not tolerant
Data log. Part six. There has never been, in the history of Earth’s evolution, any animal so ridden with self-loathing as the White-Skinned Human (we say “White-Skinned,” out of convenience, as while not all of these unfortunate creatures actually have white skin, the vast majority of them do). We spoke in the previous chapter of this creature’s relationship with food, and how its dietary habits … Continue reading On the nature and behavior of the White-Skinned Human
Are you sitting down, dear reader? I have something to tell you. It may come as a bit of a shock. I mean … maybe it’s not … it’s probably been obvious that I’m not … umm … “normal.” You probably noticed from the way I talk or the way I dress. I don’t really like sports and I don’t spend much time flirting with … Continue reading …a nerd
