I get really self-conscious when I bring my laptop into a public place. It gives me about the same level of self-consciousness as when I have to carry my laundry from the washer to the drier in the awkwardly public laundry room in Southwest, fearing some guy working in the adjacent computer lab will get a glimpse of my sexy pink polka-dot underwear as it falls from the bundle in my arms. I feel that just as my underwear belongs in my dresser (or I guess, on my body … sometimes), my laptop belongs in my dorm room.

My laptop is personal. It has a name (Ricky Ricardo). It contains personal and academic documents (oops, I’m just asking for someone to steal it, aren’t I?). It contains photos of family and travels that exist nowhere else (oops, probably should back those up). It contains my collection of musical soundtracks and Spanish rock songs on iTunes (knowing that, who would really want to steal Ricky now?). Because my laptop is so very much my own, there exists a relationship between my laptop and me that no one else sees.

I don’t regularly carry Ricky around campus, as I already have enough to carry with that bigger-than-the-Bible-sized Shakespeare Anthology (holla at Billy Shakes!), leaving me uncomfortable with those occasions that require me to bring him outside into the real world. I do it, but I don’t really like it. Thus, I plan ahead. The most important thing I check is what image is on my desktop. Usually it’s something along the lines of a nice photograph of my dog and me or an image I took of lush frolic-able fields in Ireland. But sometimes a girl just needs some eye candy, especially when that girl has hit a major roadblock in the writing of her senior thesis, and what better motivation for working through that block than to see a steamy, shirtless James Franco every time I (I mean, that girl) open my laptop?

However, while I might enjoy ogling at Mr. Franco, I don’t necessarily want the rest of my American Philosophy class thinking I have some sexy obsession with him when I open my laptop in class, never mind the fact that I’ve only referenced him about four times in my column this semester. My point is, even if I did have a sexy obsession with James Franco, it belongs in private and is not appropriate for others’ eyes in the classroom, library or otherwise. So, if I know I need to bring my laptop into a public location, I make sure to change my desktop image to something stimulatingly neutral, like a fish, or something fitting with the season, like snowflakes. This way I can open my laptop with confidence, knowing no one will be judging me for whatever image I have put up.

I fear this judgment from people because I myself judge others for their desktop image. I once sat next to a guy in class who had an image of a considerably underdressed Carrie Underwood on his computer screen. That, combined with his checking the fantasy football score stuff every five minutes, made me think he was, how should I say this nicely, incredibly shallow. I’ve also seen people’s desktops hideously plastered with individual documents, corner to corner, revealing a considerable lack of basic computer knowledge of how to form folders, or at least some higher organizational framework. These people I judge for their ignorance and poor aesthetics.

I’m not saying people can’t have fun with their desktop images. Who knows, maybe my James Franco is that dude’s Carrie Underwood. What I am saying is that if we consider the laptop to be a kind of extension of the self in that, like clothing and iPod playlists, it reveals something about our character, we should pick our desktop images carefully, at least those being brought into public. I’m especially writing to you, Twilight-or-Glee-related-desktop-image-people. That’s so 2010.