Save the beards

I have a confession to make. Well … to be quite honest, I technically already made it on the Gustavus Love Confession page, and according to the 39 “likes” it has received, I think it’s safe to assume that everyone agrees with me.

Beards are awesome, and we Gusties are lucky enough to have a plethora of finely-bearded gentleman in our presence.

However, I’m writing this article because I’m concerned about the beards. ‘Tis the season of warm weather, and with the drastic temperature change comes the desire to start fresh and stay cool. Thousands of beards are mercilessly slaughtered every year at the start of each summer, and it needs to stop.

Winter stirs up the yearning in many young gentlemen to embrace their inner mountain men and grow a beard to protect their delicate faces from the harsh icy winds of the holiday season. Motivational occasions such as No Shave November, Decembeard, and Januhairy encourage the normally beardless to grow what Sophomore Physics Major, and Relatively New Member of the Bearded Community, Nick Gersch, calls “a perma-scarf.”

However, when the sun finally decides to warm the northern hemisphere the beards start to disappear. This extensive winter has actually been a blessing in disguise, as the facial hair has stuck around longer than usual.

My hope is that it continues to stick around.

You see, the benefits greatly outweigh the costs when it comes to maintaining a beard during the warmer months. Yes, the face gets a bit sweatier. Yes, it may be a tad bit uncomfortable. But the simple fact is that it’s just plain attractive and makes everyone within eyesight of the beard smile.

Just think of all the celebrities who look 100 times more rugged, worldly, and handsome with a beard—George Clooney, Ben Affleck, James Franco, and yes, I’ll say it, even Ryan Gosling—just to name a few. But why is this?

Gersch, the genius word-inventor from earlier, explained, “A beard defines the jawline. When I shaved mine off the first time it looked like I had a baby face. I didn’t like it.” Gersch’s words ring true. A beard makes one appear older, and with age comes wisdom. Wisdom equates to intelligence and good decision-making. Thus, bearded gentlemen just seem to be more trustworthy than their hairless counterparts.

Sophomore Theater major Annie Galloway offered up a few suggestions for current and potential beard-growers. “They gotta take care of that s#&%!” she exclaimed, “Maintaining the beard is crucial.”

And indeed, her words seem to illustrate a quite popular opinion among others who are less fond of facial hair. Beard maintenance is equally as (if not more) important as other personal hygiene responsibilities among men. Like a well-thought-out hairstyle, a beard must be groomed and taken care of to have its desired effect.

Luckily St. Peter is home to Nate’s Barbershop, a fabulous vintage establishment with a staff that’s more than happy to give you tips on how exactly to style and rock your facial fuzz.

But what if ultimately facial hair’s just not your thing? That’s totally fine! As much as I would encourage everyone to give a beard a shot at some point in their lives, it’s inevitable that some just prefer the clean-shaven look. Go for it. Own it.

But for those of you with a beard who are highly considering giving it a break for the summer, I beg you from the bottom of my heart to reconsider. Whether you realize it or not, your beard stirs up feelings of hope and joy in many of those around you. Keep that happiness alive, gentlemen. Keep your beards.