* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather the journal of King Carl XVI Gustaf from his last visit to America. Weird how the same events are happening on campus all these years later..
Friday, Sept. 28
Sophomore Socials: Johns Family Courtyard 3-5 p.m.
In a fit of jealousy, the class of 2013 has started Senior Soirees.
Introduction to Photoshop: Culpeper Language Center 4-4:30 p.m.
Photoshop always makes things weird during icebreaking activites.
Weekend Movie: The Amazing Spiderman: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
Manspider is amazing too . . .
Saturday, Sept. 29
Athletics Hall of Fame Banquet: Alumni Hall 5-8 p.m.
John Madden will be serving crème brûlée.
Weekend Movie: The Amazing Spiderman: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
Somewhere Tobey Maguire reminisces of his Spiderman days like an aged man reminisces about the state football championship he once played.
Sunday, Sept. 30
Weekend Movie: The Amazing Spiderman: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.
The guy knows how to rock a spandex suit.
Monday, Oct. 1
Science and Language Learning: Culpeper Language Center 6 p.m.
Where the humanities majors and science majors coexist, but I didn’t say anything about it being peaceful.
Thirty Minute Cardio Abs: Lund Center 7:30-8 p.m.
It takes at least thirty-five minutes to get a six pack, maybe more.
Tuesday, Oct. 2
Nobel Conference: Lund Arena and Lund Center
If none of the presentations have a Little Mermaid PowerPoint slide, I’m going to go apes#$%.
Book Signing with Author William Souder: Book Mark 11 a.m.-1 p.m.
It was too hard to get the author of Everyone Poops on campus.
Wednesday, Oct. 3
Nobel Conference: Lund Arena and Lund Center
Or for all of those who don’t have anything to do for those two days, OH YEAHbel.
Psychological Benefits of Language: Culpeper Language Center 3 p.m.
When no one talks to you, you feel bad. Lecture done.
Thursday, Oct. 4
GWS Meeting: Linner Lounge 4:30-6 p.m.
Don’t ask anyone to make you a sandwich. Just don’t.
Thursday Evenings with the Religion Department: Third Floor of Old Main 6-7:30 p.m.
The atheists just sit at home and watch Survivor.
St. Olaf Roman Comedy Comes to Gustavus: Schaefer Fine Arts Center 214 7-8 p.m.
St. Olaf coming here to entertain us? Classic Oles.
Fika!: Swedish House 9-11 p.m.
This is where the people living in the Swedish House make you hate yourself because you live in Rundy.
Feit-sty Horoscope
Aries: Brace yourself, the “Gangnam Style” parodies are here.
Taurus: Your itch to learn should get checked out; it’s becoming an ugly rash.
Gemini: Say whatever you want, I still probably won’t believe you when you say Toy Story was based on your childhood.
Cancer: Maybe the replacement refs are doing a bad job because we call them replacements.
Leo: So you mean buying an Apple iPod every day for the last two years won’t keep the doctor away?
Virgo: “Sink oar swim,” said the pun-crazed white water rafting instructor.
Libra: King Carl, see you at The Dive.
Scorpio: Do people really still watch Two and a Half Men?
Sagittarius: You might feel invincible because of your flu shot, but it is only temporary.
Capricorn: Is Kanye West dead? He hasn’t said anything stupid lately.
Aquarius: Your inability to make friends is directly related to the fact that you still use Internet Explorer.
Pisces: Eventually, we will all have to atone for Cuba Gooding, Jr. winning an Oscar.