* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but rather entries in the personal diary of ex-reality television star Kevin Federline.
Friday, Sept. 21
Fall Research Symposium: Nobel Hall of Science 1:30–5:30 p.m.
But will there be frost-your-owns?
Sophomore Socials: Johns Family Courtyard 3-5 p.m.
Slowly the sophomore class grows stronger and stronger, eventually taking over the campus.
Weekend Movie: Rock of Ages: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
Just a really long Stonehenge documentary.
Saturday, Sept. 22
6th Annual Minnesota Study Abroad Returnee Conference: University of Minnesota 1-5 p.m.
They call it “Culture Shock Therapy.”
Weekend Movie: Rock of Ages: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
Do you think Alec Baldwin lost a bet to be in this movie?
SNL with the Hypnotist: Lund Center 10 p.m.
If you aren’t already hypnotized by Tom Cruise’s performance as a rock star named Stacee Jaxx, there’s no hope for you.
Sunday, Sept. 23
Interdenominational Welsh Hymn Festival: First Presbyterian Church, Mankato 1:30-4 p.m.
What?
Weekend Movie: Rock of Ages: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.
Tom Cruise, Russell Brand and ‘80s rock. Everything I hate in the world rolled into one.
Cardio Mixx: Lund 224 6-7 p.m.
One more “x” and I’d be there for sure. For sure.
Monday, Sept. 24
Thirty Minute Cardio Abs: Lund Center 7:30-8 p.m.
It’s going to take more than thirty minutes to prevent that freshman fifteen, sweetheart.
Tuesday, Sept. 25
Careers Possible – Employer Information Day: Heritage & St. Peter Banquet Rooms 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.
Careers Possible . . . It’s a trap!
Wednesday, Sept. 26
Flu Shot Clinic: Heritage Banquet Room 8 a.m-4 p.m.
Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots Shots . . . Everybody!
Chants and Seas Concert: Courtyard Cafe 7 p.m.
Not to be confused with the annual strip poker game, Chance and See.
Thursday, Sept. 27
Explorations in GWS with April Herndon: Linner Lounge – Johnson Student Union 4:30-5:45 p.m.
This talk is going to be feminasty!
New Faculty Orientation: Alumni Hall 7-9 p.m.
Shouldn’t this have been done weeks ago?
Feit-sty Horoscope
Aries: Your obsession with the film Jumanji will be your demise.
Taurus: It’s about time people stopped talking about the Hunger Games.
Gemini: No matter what they all say, your insistence on gaining Spiderman powers will come true.
Cancer: Saying someone is fly doesn’t make sense. They are small, annoying insects.
Leo: Look in the mirror and ask yourself, “What makes the Burger King king so creepy?”
Virgo: “I see dead people.” – Pac Man
Libra: In an effort to garner the child vote, the Romney campaign has published the book, Mittens Romney Goes to Washington.
Scorpio: What makes clowns scary is their ignorance towards the size of everyday objects.
Sagittarius: Your penchant to leave voicemails is why you have no friends.
Capricorn: There is no greater disappointment than showing up to an event with free pizza only to find caf pizza.
Aquarius: One of these days the poor economy is going to catch up with the Tooth Fairy.
Pisces: Monopoly seems to have a monopoly on the board game market.
Now we know who the ssebnile 1 is here. Wonderful post!