Opinion Editor- Soph White
In my life I have had several academic rivals, all of which were rivalries made up in my head. Although I’ve had several, I’ve felt most passionately angry about a select few of them and their success. But I’ve discovered something odd: Those especially irritating academic rivals make the bestest friends.
It happened a total of three separate times, where people I viewed as academic rivals ended up becoming my closest friends. Distinctly, I had one in middle school, high school, and college. Often, I would have many more throughout my time in those schools but they would not last very long as there would often come a point where I just realized they were stupid. It takes a special kind of person to make the perfect academic rival, and honestly, it takes someone who is very similar to yourself or to the kind of person you want to be.
Paige (12 years old – 2017)
In middle school, I had this friend named Paige (who I am no longer friends with for a variety of reasons – sorry to the Paiges out there) who was in all the same honors classes with me. In 8th grade, we shared all the same classes but one: band. Given that it was a middle school band, I’m pretty proud of how talented I was, but then again, it’s a middle school band—nothing special. So, there wasn’t much outside of the things we did together where I could feel proud of my accomplishments. It really got to me and my inflated sense of ego that really had no origin point. All I know is that I started to get really pissed off when my favorite teachers were giving her more attention than me.
As I remember, she was a great writer and was a lot better at using correct grammar than I was. She was more socially adept, pretty, and beyond that, was GOOD at math. All these things I was convinced I didn’t have. In reality, I started to realize that we were pretty similar in classes. Although I hated her guts for being better than me in things I wanted to be good at, I began to observe her behavior in a different light. Soon, we became friends and formed a large inner circle that became our own Harry Potter club. While she did make some horrible decisions later on in life, I really cherished the friendship while I had it and enjoyed nerding out with her.
Ellie (15 years old – 2020)
High school became a lot worse in many ways. I became more bitter towards potential academic rivals and eventually set my sights on the perfect candidate. As I was in the International Baccalaureate program, the spirit of competition and lowkey hating each other was normalized. When someone else had more life experiences and claimed to do all these cool things with their lives, it would set me off. So, imagine how I felt when I met this girl who was very proudly Canadian.
Like – whoo. Cool. You’re Canadian. So what? Do you speak French or something?
Turns out she did.
Really well.
It was even more messed up for me if you knew how obsessed I was with French culture at that point. I had been working towards learning the basics of French and had done two years of French lessons in school. I WAS THE STAR in French class, and SHE took it away from me.
Anyways, her name was Ellie. Once again, she was incredibly smart at anything she put her mind to and even was one of two women in IB who took the advanced math class. She was also incredibly opinionated, spoke her mind at all times, and more liberal than me. I would like to think that I learned the value of speaking up for myself and the idea of “sticking to my guns” from her example. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I was jealous or had a crush on her. It was a very confusing admiration. She was also the kind of girl that would beat up anyone who messed with her friends. I wish I had her kind of guts sometimes.
Ultimately, we got closer through a mutual friend. We ended up spending a lot of junior and senior year of high school together, and with our mutual friends. We had study groups together, got lunch together, and celebrated junior and senior prom together. I was so pleased to watch her walk across the stage during graduation and, although I don’t see her anymore either, I hope that she has enjoyed her independence and is enjoying school in Canada. Along the way, I found out that Ellie, while incredibly smart and talented, was a normal person who has flaws too. Who knew? And alongside that, I learned from her and found many ways to connect with her on things we both liked. Crazy.
Grace (18 years old – 2023)
The last example is near and dear to my heart, because it is the one, the only, Editor-in-Chief of this newspaper. Let me explain…
Basically, upon coming to college, I didn’t really know of Grace until the last part of first semester, in which I had been told by “friends” that something was off about how nice she was and that she wore toe rings. Most people assumed her kindness must have been fake, but the toe rings—no, the toe rings were and are very real. Second semester Grace was in my Gender, Women, and The Bible class, where it was the first time that someone would speak in class as much as me and actually say something intelligent each time. I knew my niche was being usurped. Not only this, but I clearly remember my second semester doing an interview to be the United Christian Ministries President. I thought I had to be their best candidate, and as I was walking out, Grace walked down the stairs to do her interview. A couple of days later, she got President and I essentially got the equivalent of Vice-President.
Let me be clear, I am completely happy now with the fact that my leader in many different groups is Grace “Pond Koi” LaTourelle. I think at the time I had felt rejected a lot by peers, and I felt like I needed to turn to the things I knew I was good at by applying for leadership roles and getting good grades. When I saw someone else with friends and accomplishing those things I couldn’t get at the time, boy was I frustrated. I would rant to my parents about how much I disliked her, but quickly my parents realized how irrational my dislike was. My sister heard how I felt, and upon her coming to the same school as me, didn’t understand at all why I didn’t like her. It was completely irrational, but I couldn’t get past the tension and the distance between us.
It was not until we went on a roadtrip together one weekend as the only two students interested in visiting Wartburg Theological Seminary that I learned that there was a real human behind all the acts of kindness and the toe rings. I learned SO MUCH about her, and I would like to think she learned a lot about me. We came to find out just how similar we were, and ultimately, a friendship started to develop as a result of developing inside jokes during the road trip and finding things we had in common.
Somehow we are best friends, but we are so different. Grace is a 7 on the enneagram—someone who is described as enthusiastic, outdoorsy, positive-minded, and an outgoing person. She loves being outside, and she truly does believe she would die if she had to stay inside all day. She loves bugs, and is likely just to believe things as they are, unless something is done in order to question that belief. On the other hand, I am a 4 on the enneagram—someone who is described as self-aware, reserved, sensitive, but also an idealist with big dreams. For 4’s, there is a relentless drive for achieving authenticity. Simply put, rather than living into the external world like 7’s, 4’s have rich internal worlds created for the benefit of coping with life. I hate going outside, because it’s too overwhelming. I am pretty indifferent to bugs, but I’m more likely to assume the guilt of everyone until proven innocent. It kind of gives black cat and orange tabby cat energy as the relationship benefits both of us due to our fundamental differences, which end up being complementary.
Ultimately, what I want you to get out of this is that if you are the kind of person to imagine a rich, competitive rivalry between you and a complete stranger, do it. Then after you have that rivalry, work to understand them beyond the external persona they portray, because often, people are hiding the version of themselves that is vulnerable and comfortable in their environment. My suggestion is to give that friendship a try, because great hate has potential for great love… As many enemies-to-lovers romances seem to suggest.