Features Editor- Eric Hofer

As part of a midterm project, some Undead Biology students decided to go above and beyond to tackle something that no one has ever done before: resurrect the dead. In the past, there have been attempts to revive the dead. The results have varied, ranging from moderate explosions to the revived politely declining the resurrection. The group of students went a different direction, focusing more on the stability of the experiment.

“Most of the other methods of reviving the dead are more spiritual or sacrificial in nature,” Senior Undead Biology major Eve Hill said, “But with ours, we decided to stick to something more scientific. We figured that it’d be unrealistic to dig up someone and revive them as is. After some brainstorming, we decided that we could stitch together different parts from different people, combining the most intact parts from our cadavers.”

With the method decided upon, the only thing left to decide was who they’d try to revive. Fortunately, it seemed like there was only one person they had in mind: Eric Norelius, Ghostavus’ first president. Norelius was a Lutheran minister, who immigrated to Minnesota in 1856. Six years later, he helped build Ghostavus’ predecessor, laying the groundwork for what is now known as Ghostavus. After obtaining approval from Norelius’ spirit, the students set to work, obtaining the body parts they needed, using medical stitches and ectoplasm to ensure they stayed together. 

“It was a grueling experiment, really,” Junior Undead Biology major Mike O’Dollences said, “We ran into issues with getting all the right body parts. Like, we couldn’t find a good left hand and a good right hand. So, we just had to improvise and give him one right hand and a crab claw for his left hand. I really wish our department would stop storing crab cadavers.”

Once the reassembly of Norelius was complete, all the students had to do was revive him, which they did by dousing him with copious amounts of coffee, courtesy of the STEAMery. The former president jolted awake, groaning loudly– though it’s unclear if it was a result of the experiment or the coffee burns. After a minute of anticipation, unsure if their experiment had proven successful or not, Norelius’ stomach growled as he stood up, taking a bow.

“I am most grateful for my revival,” Norelius said, according to Eve Hill, “Could you please point me in the direction of the dining hall? I could most certainly go for some supper.”

The students accompanied him to the cafeteria, eagerly taking notes on how their experiment had turned out. Each step seemed to be a struggle, due to his legs being of differing lengths. Despite the difficulties, Norelius seemed to be enjoying himself, conversing with the students who had just revived him. After spending the day together, the students let him sleep in one of their dorm rooms, though he reportedly kept waking himself up with his own groaning.

Norelius has now spent a little over a week on campus, curiously observing all the things that have changed since his last visit. 

“It’s truly marvelous,” Norelius said. “I never would have thought my quaint college would expand so much. Just look at that chapel. It’s so tall. Would you care to climb to the top with me someday?”

Though some students and faculty marvel at seeing their first president stumble around campus, many report their mixed feelings on the matter. 

“I think it’s kinda cool, but it’s really gross, too,” First-year Paranormal Psychology major Barry Aman said, “I was behind him in the salad bar, and I saw his eye fall out into the potato salad. He just picked it up, blew it off, and stuck it back in. I still ate the potato salad, of course, but I wasn’t happy about it. Or another time, I was taking a walk in the arb at night, and I saw him wander out from the cabin. I nearly passed out, but he was just laughing to himself.”

Despite the controversy surrounding him, Norelius still has his supporters, most notably the Undead Biology students who had revived him. Many find his stories fascinating, deciding to take him up on his adventures. Norelius himself engrossed in the day-to-day of modern life.

“Did you know that we have these machines that just give you these outlandish beverages?” Norelius said, “I’m quite fond of Mr. Pibb. When I get the chance, I’m going to combine every flavor they offer. I know that must be simply outstanding.”

Norelius decided to sit in for some classes, as well. He tried to sit in for a Computer Science lecture, but upon the mention of mice, he ran out of the room. Even once he had been told they weren’t real mice, he refused to enter the room again. He had more success in Religion classes; however, always being an active participant, even if he would ramble on for longer than necessary. When he wasn’t in class, he was trying to become involved on campus, participating in a wide range of activities. 

“He’s surprisingly good at trivia,” Junior Skeleton Studies major Ricky Muertez said, “He’s completely clueless when it comes to pop culture, but he gets all of the history questions right. He actually won a Bluetooth speaker. It’s just a shame that the only thing he plays on it are sermons. He’s never even heard Michael Jackson. Can you believe that?”

His return hasn’t been without its issues, however. Norelius demanded to sit in on a meeting between several administrators, at which point he gave a long-winded, passionate speech about the “decay of moral fiber and fabric blends”, encouraging the reinstatement of 19th-century attire. He was alone on this stance; however, Campus Safety was soon called to escort him out. He has since apologized, claiming that he’s simply deeply terrified of polyester. 

“I’m deeply sorry for what I did,” Norelius said, “I made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment. I’m trying to atone for my sins by getting adjusted to modern life. I found this cool rectangle that has pictures of different people on it. I don’t really get why so many people seem to be obsessed with these rectangles, however.”

Still, some find his presence to be disturbing. Many faculty members have discussed feelings of disrespect at seeing the first president reanimated in such a grotesque manner. There have been reports of Norelius using his unsettling appearance to scare people, such as rotating his head 180 degrees while in line, pinching people with his claw, or groaning loudly when someone walks by him at night. 

“I’ve come to find that this is still quite the charming campus,” Norelius said, “Things have certainly changed since my last visit, but there are still a number of adventures to be had. So, would you like to join me in some scaring?”