Features Editor- Eric Hofer

Tales from Ghostavus’ First Interdimensional Student
Last year, as a part of a new initiative to promote multiversal diversity, Ghostavus has started accepting admissions from alternate planes of existence, including different dimensions and alternate timelines. To ‘get the ball rolling’, Admissions has started a foreign exchange program with the University of the Fifth Plane.

As this program is still new, only one student from either school has accepted, due to the possible complications of interdimensional travel. Jeremiah Baker, a 61st-year communications major, stepped up to be the first Ghostavian student to study in a different plane. Despite being a communications major, Baker has failed to communicate with anyone on campus, raising some slight concerns amongst faculty.
Meanwhile, Ghostavus welcomes its first interdimensional student, whose name has been described as “largely unintelligible.” The student has agreed to be referred to as ‘Randy’ until further notice. Randy is majoring in Temporal Physics with a minor in Undead Languages. When asked about how they’ve been adjusting to campus, Randy commented in perfect English “It’s hard not having a corporal form. People constantly budge me in line or sit in my seat, until I tell them I’m there. The first few times, they freak out and look all around for where my voice is coming from, but after that we’re on pretty good terms.”

“They’ve been adjusting surprisingly well,” remarked Rob Graves, Randy’s Temporal Physics advisor, “The only real issue is their attendance. Since they don’t have a physical form, it’s hard to know if they’re actually in class or not. They say that they slept past their alarm in our timeline, but made it to class in another one, which I suppose explains their high grades.”

Though Graves does his best to support Randy, not everyone is as accommodating. “It seems like some people give me the cold shoulder,” said Randy, “Though, I can’t be certain, as I don’t have a shoulder. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have a corporal form like everyone else here, but people look right through me.”

When the exchange program was first proposed, several issues were raised. One of the most common being how an interdimensional student would live on campus– what would their housing situation be? What would the student eat? Though it hasn’t been a semester yet, what does Ghostavus’ first interdimensional student have to say?

“Though it’s not too bad, it’s clear that the campus wasn’t made with other dimensional beings in mind,” Randy lamented, “I realize it’s not very feasible this early into the program, but I’d love to see an Interdimensional dorm or apartment building, as it can be hard to find places to incorporate all my planes of existence. Though beings from my plane don’t require food in the traditional sense, I still find myself yearning for a taste of home, so to say. It’s also rather hard for my parents to come visit me on family weekend, as time isn’t as solid a concept back home”

Despite the issues that may arise from being an interdimensional student, it seems that the majority of Ghostavus’ staff, faculty, and students have all accepted Randy as part of the community.

“I really do like it here. I feel an overall sense of warmth from the community, even if I can’t feel actual warmth”

Campus Clone
Have you felt under the weather lately? Are you finding yourself more fatigued than normal? If so, then you might have caught a case of the flu or a new disease being called the ‘Campus Clone’. Though the Campus Clone initially imitates symptoms typically associated with the flu– particularly chills, fatigue, headaches, sore throats, or sneezing– it has one distinguishing symptom. After a few days of feeling sick, a clone will spawn somewhere near you, attempting to imitate you to the best of their ability.

“One day, I got to class a few minutes late,” commented sophomore Skeleton Studies major Elvis Bone, “I was shocked to see my clone was already in class, giving my presentation. I thought it was doing an awful job, climbing on top of desks and screeching like a banshee. But apparently my professor was impressed, since she gave me a 96% and a comment saying that I was really persuasive.”

Though some students may have positive experiences with their clones, the vast majority of reports have been negative, ranging from them making a fool of their host to nearly getting their host expelled, until further investigation revealed it was the act of a clone.

“I know it’s a big issue, but I think it’s important to take advantage of the opportunities this can give us,” said senior Ectoplasm Sciences major Vicki Timm, “It’s been great having a scapegoat for everything that I mess up. I absolutely fumbled one of my labs recently, but I just blamed it on my clone and my professor let me redo it.”

Health professionals encourage taking the same steps as you would to prevent the flu from spreading, such as maintaining hygiene, washing your hands, keeping your room clean, and wearing a face mask. To limit the damage your clone can do, Health Services has started supplying free clothing items to help distinguish yourself from your clone, such as bright pink scarves or propeller hats. A Health Services worker will write down what item you chose, so in the case of a rogue clone, the college will know which one is the real you.

“Yeah, I think this is a good idea,” regarded Health Services employee Bryan Hart, “I’m not a clone and I can affirm that we’re giving them out only to real people. But, I don’t think it’s a very serious phenomenon. It’s not like us clones are thinking of taking over campus, or anything. Just proceed as normal.”

While the Campus Clone may cause confusion and embarrassment, it’s believed that the clones will disappear as your health starts improving. Until then, it seems that Ghostavus is adjusting with a mixture of creativity and humor, doing their best to ensure that no one’s clone will completely derail their life– just making them a small inconvenience.

“We encourage students and staff to remain diligent, but not panicked,” said Muriel Kildall, Director of Health Services, “Clones may imitate you, sneak into your room, or make a fool of yourself, but with some planning ahead and zany clothes, you can stay in control. Remember, it’s still your campus, even if it’s briefly shared with another you.”