Raquel Vaughn-
There’s a list unlike any other. A list of things that are just for the girls. Any girl knows of a thing or two that, in the grand scheme of things, only girls are allowed to say, do, and have. Of course, this is completely satirical…or is it? Instead of leaving this list of things in the back of our minds, my sister and I created it together.
First off: pillows. Men, realistically, can have one pillow on their bed. Two is pushing it. But if there are any more pillows… they might as well invite themselves over to the sleepover party because they’re one of the girls. The same goes for stuffed animals and blankies. Stuffed animals are just for the girls– unless it’s a stereotypical teddy bear. The boys can have a teddy bear but it can’t be too fluffy. And men can have blankets, of course, but not “blankies.” Blankies are for the girls.
Drinks such as lemonade, matcha, sparkling water, water with lemon, and Sprite are for the girls. And if a man is to drink sparkling water, let it be La Croix. How could I deprive the boys of La Croix if Danny Gonzalez himself drinks it in every single one of his videos on his second YouTube channel? Furthermore, Starbucks is just for the girls. The boys can have anywhere else: Caribou, Dunkin’, Scooters, and even McDonald’s breakfasts.
Straws are for the girls. Don’t ask me why because they just are. Every time my family has gone to a fast food restaurant, I’ve never once seen my dad voluntarily grab a lid and straw for his soft drink.
Hydroflasks are for the girls, especially ones with stickers on them. The only men who are allowed to have a Hydroflask are the ones who go hiking on the regular and bring their Hydroflask with them. Other than that, they can use one of the plastic ones that you can get from Wal-Mart. The girls value their Hydroflask because to them it’s so much more than a thing you drink out of – it’s an emotional support item. And that goes for the newly popularized Stanley Cup as well. If you don’t see me with my water bottle (especially my Hydroflask), then you know there’s something not right.
Cupcakes are for the girls. The boys can have the actual cakes that you have to cut in order to get a piece. Along with that: frosting. The boys can have frosting, obviously, but it depends on what kind. The girls get buttercream frosting, and the boys can have the rest.
Candles, bikes with baskets, the right side of the road, and good handwriting are all just for the girls. What’s a man doing on the right side of the road anyway? Any guy I’ve driven with is almost convinced they are Dom Toretto and go Fast and Furious on the left side of the road.
The boys get the typical black, blue, and red ink from the basic ballpoint pens and the girls get all the fun-colored pens. Oversized sweatshirts are just for the girls unless you’ve got a pass from the girlies. And you would know if you have a pass from them…
Posting yourself on Instagram is just for the girlies. Guys can have Instagram and even post on it, but only pictures of their visit to the local coffee shops (that aren’t Starbucks), nature, group photos, and their pets. And just like that, selfies are for the girls too.
Long fingernails are just for the girls…unless you’re a queer man because you could probably rock those fingernails better than any girl I know. Rings are for girls, except for the plain bands. FaceTime, TV dramas, clouds, fuzzy socks, and Croc charms are all just for the girls.
Men can keep their 5-in-1 shower bottles because shampoo and conditioner in separate bottles are also just for girls. Buying two or more bottles for use in the bathroom, whether that’s in the shower or in front of the mirror, is a significant part of girlhood. Furthermore, men can keep their slivers of soap that eventually break apart and fall into the shower drain. Loofahs and bottled body wash are for the girls.
Fields of grass to run through, lay, and take pictures in are for the girls. The boys have no business being in the grass. As my sister said, “They get gravel.” Bamboo toothbrushes, bringing your own lunch, Kleenexes, iPhone chargers that are longer than three feet, thank you cards, airport runways, fantasy romance books, lotion, emojis, private stories, and presidency are all considered just for the girls. If you find a male president, consider it a red flag.
Of course, there are still many other things that are on the list such as Google Slides themes, Canva and PicsArt, cracked phone screens, and cute laundry baskets. But my sister and I didn’t want to leave the boys out. Of course, there are some things that girls should just not have, say, or do.
As we’ve said, the girls get the cute laundry baskets. The boys get the plastic white ones. Girls get gum but the guys get everything else as far as mints go. Movies about war are just for the dudes. As well as Jordans, pick-up trucks, the color gray, and the “100” emoji. I’m sure there are other emojis out there that the boys feel so inclined to use and they can go ahead and use them, but the “100” emoji was made specifically with them in mind. Mountain Dew and Mellow Yellow are just for the boys. And last but not least, Top Golf. Or just golf in general.
Everything else not mentioned is totally fair game. I think we can all agree that there is one thing on this planet that is for both the guys and the girls: Dr. Pepper.