Ranking of GAC bathrooms

Michaela Woodward – Staff Writer

Nothing beats the vibes of a good bathroom, and when a bathroom has good vibes, you know it. That little alcove of necessity becomes the place where you can experience all five stages of grief in five minutes, embrace carpe diem, or simply have a moment during a stressful day to find whatever form of relief you need.
However, it can take some time on campus to really locate which bathroom speaks to your soul. To make it easier for all of us who haven’t spent as much time on campus these past two years, I have compiled a guide for what campus bathrooms passed my vibe check. (Note: these are women’s/gender neutral restrooms. If anyone has an organized ranking of the men’s restrooms, please let me know.)

Campus Center First Floor: The classic bathroom experience. Obviously the most trafficked, but it’s been there for me when I needed it the most. 5/10.
Campus Center Second Floor: It’s stressful. Honestly, I’d rather just go upstairs. 3/10.
New Nobel/The STEAMery: It’s too new and it makes me uncomfortable. Also pretty heavily trafficked, so no peace to be found. I’m pretty sure I’ve cried there. 2.5/10.
Beck First Floor: I’ve never had an unpleasant experience in this bathroom, but one time someone was on a phone call in the stall next to me, which was kind of awkward. 7/10.
Library Basement Level: If you asked me, “Michaela, which is the bathroom on campus you go to when you need a good bathroom?” I would say this one. Is it trippy that the mirror is not in front of the sinks? Yes. Does the dim lighting make you feel like something bad happened in there once? Yes. Does it have the same gas-station-at-two-a.m.-portal-to-another-dimension vibes? Absolutely. And that’s why it’s my favorite. An inimitable experience. 8.5/10.
ConVic First Floor: This bathroom is really busy for some reason? I feel like there’s always someone else there. Overall, not the best. 3/10.
ConVic Second Floor: The old faithful. I used this bathroom every day in the break during my first Spanish class at Gustavus. Nostalgic. 5/10.
Björling Second Floor: Literally awful. It inspires rage in me, for some reason. Also, all of the bathrooms in the art buildings were built for kindergarteners and likely will give you claustrophobia. 1.5/10.
Björling First Floor: I don’t know why this one doesn’t inspire as much anger in me as the second floor one, but for some reason it just doesn’t. 3/10.
Schaefer Second Floor: Not quite as cramped as Björling, but certainly more hellish. Certainly an experience. 3.5/10.
Chapel Basement: Somehow, maybe more cramped than Björling. I just would prefer not to use these, exit immediately afterwards, and have to face the mural. 2/10.
Old Main Basement: Stressful, old, disorienting. Much like the classrooms in Old Main. 3/10.

With this guide, I hope that on your next bathroom break you keep in mind not only convenience, but also all the different experiences available to you. Life is too short to use bathrooms that don’t have good, or at the very least interesting, vibes, and GAC has a plethora of offerings in that regard.

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