* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but you know what, The GusTavian Weekly? It’s about damn time you take responsibility those you hire!
Sunday, April 20
Zumba with Paige: Lund 224 7 p.m.
It’s an amazing thing to see your dreams come true before your eyes. Zumba War 2014 is that very realization for me.
Zumba with Hayley: Lund 224 8 p.m.
YES. YES. YES. TWO ZUMBAS. ONE NIGHT. ONE SURVIVOR.
Monday, April 21
Greek Week: All Week
Διαβάστε το τέταρτο στέμμα για την πραγματική αλήθεια για περίπου Gustavus!
Gustavus Philanthropy Week: All Week
It’s going to be a tough week for Gustavus friend, Phil N. Thropee, who has thought for months that this week was devoted to his birthday.
Gustavus Student Senate Meeting: The Board Room 7 p.m.
I imagine that the behind the scenes action in Gustavus’ Student Senate is similar to the political world of House of Cards but replacing tensions with China with tensions about The Dive.
Tuesday, April 22
Earth Day Rally for Clean Energy & Jobs: State Capitol 4 p.m.
Sure, we might have cut down hundreds of trees to get the word out, but it’s for THE MESSAGE, PEOPLE.
Wednesday, April 23
New Faculty Mentor Mentee Social: St. Peter Room 4:30 p.m.
I’m thinking the Dean’s office needs to check out this event for hazing.
Lecture by Dr. Philip J. Deloria: Wallenberg Auditorium 7 p.m.
DR. PHIL IS COMING TO CAMPUS?
Senior Class Wine Tasting Event: Alumni Hall 7 p.m.
Scores of Gusties will fight their natural instinct to slap the bag.
Lecture by Prof. Olof Hedling, Lund University: Confer 127 7 p.m.
Holy s@#$, that is the most Swedish name I have ever seen.
Swing Dance: Alumni Hall 9 p.m.
Somebody definitely needs to unveil the Charleston within the sweaty walls of The Dive.
Thursday, April 24
Theology + Graduate School = Possible?: Luther Seminary 8 a.m.
I mean it’s possible, but I am still pretty sure that Theology + Graduate School ≠ Good Paying Job.
Parking Forum: Alumni Hall 2:30 p.m.
They better not take anymore parking spots away for fuel efficient cars, or I will pick up a Prius and toss that motherf@#$er out of my way.
Feit-sty Not Really Horoscopes
Aries: Who will learn the Rouser first: Timeflies or Jack Ohle?
Taurus: Is baseball season over yet?
Gemini: Room Draw wasn’t like The Hunger Games. No one volunteered tribute to Complex.
Cancer: If we cut Nordic Skiing, who will become our trusty messengers during a winterpocalypse? Will we leave this job to mere runners?!
Leo: Why make your parents proud with classwork when they can just see your drunken Spring Break pics instead?
Virgo: I’m still not convinced that it won’t snow again . . .
Libra: This whole Spring Break to Easter Break schedule should probably be expanded throughout the entire year.
Scorpio: Overheard Building Bridges idea at Gustavus: Bringing justice to the motherf@#$ers who ruined the last episode of How I Met Your Mother.
Sagittarius: Revive The Dive? Excuse me, I Revive The Dive every time I show off some sick new dance moves.
Capricorn: Any graduates that say the real world is hard haven’t been watching the same Real World I have all these years on MTV.
Aquarius: Sometimes you need to revel in the magic of the everyday. Here’s to you, stop lights.
Pisces: We all know Ohle banned the streakers during Midnight Express, so he could do it himself as a final hurrah.