* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but the lyrics to a hidden track from 98 Degrees’ Christmas album.
Friday, Nov. 8
Minnesota Private College Job and Internship Fair: Library AV1 2 p.m.
I’ve never seen people so cut-throat over jobs that do not pay a dime.
Shared Governance Discussion: St. Peter Room 2:30 p.m.
Ohle is crowning the next king of Gustavus here!
Weekend Movie: Elysium: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
Oh, this is the one with Matt Damon as the janitor in space who is a genius and does wicked hard math problems, right?
Saturday, Nov. 9
Introduction to Geocaching: Linnaeus Arboretum 10 a.m.
Of course it is an introduction, no one knows what the f@#$ geocaching is.
Weekend Movie: Elysium: Wallenberg Auditorium 8 p.m.
Matt Damon has an Academy Award nomination, an Emmy nomination, and a Teen Choice nomination. What doesn’t he have? A win.
Sunday, Nov. 10
Weekend Movie: Elysium: Wallenberg Auditorium 2 p.m.
Get out your yellow parkas, this film will have you in the social justice splash zone.
Pre-Health Club Meeting: Wallenberg Auditorium 7 p.m.
The topic of this meeting is, “Do you really think you are smart enough to go to med school?”
Monday, Nov. 11
Academic Tutoring in Pittman Hall: Pittman Hall Lounge 7 p.m.
Notice how there is never one of these for Sohre? Step up, Pittman.
Tuesday, Nov. 12
Teachers Talking Technology: Heritage Room 11:30 a.m.
You can show up half an hour late. They won’t realize their computer isn’t hooked up to the projector until noon.
“The Fight Continues Against Childhood Hunger”: Heritage Room 7 p.m.
Well, duh. I didn’t think there would need to be a fight against eating children.
Thursday, Nov. 14
Lutheran-Catholic Relations Discussion: Phi Beta Kappa Room 4 p.m.
If nobody nails their thesis to the doors of the chapel, this will be an utter disappointment.
Mental Health Wellness Fair 2013: St. Peter Community Center 6 p.m.
Feeling stressed? Maybe depressed? Get some rest. At this mental health fest.
Feit-sty Not Really Horoscopes
Aries: If bullying was an issue in the NFL, then the Vikings wouldn’t even bother showing up to games.
Taurus: Why can’t Gustavus have that rare odor-emitting Fresh Baked Chocolate Chip Cookie Flower?
Gemini: What says ‘I love my city’ more than destroying it in riots after your team wins the championship?
Cancer: If you see people building snowmen, kickthemdown. Andthesnowmen, too, I guess.
Leo: Just because Halloween is over DOES NOT make it okay to play Christmas music 24/7.
Virgo: Every snowflake is different? Not really, I hate them all the same.
Libra: Who needs to take a political science class when there is an accurate political drama like Scandal on air?
Scorpio: The Jonas Brothers are breaking up? I thought they were brothers . . .
Sagittarius: If the winter lasts as long as it did last year, I’m transferring. I don’t care if it is the spring of senior year.
Capricorn: Hope is spelled J-A-S-O-N D-E-R- U-L-O.
Aquarius: I sure hope CAB will be able to handle all of the Jason Derulo fervor I’ve created in this section.
Pisces: All the environmentalists on campus probably ran to Nobel thinking there was a big compost pile, only to be disappointed with a f@#$ing flower.