* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but are in fact a small tub of mice, placed on top of a door standing ajar. When your roommate comes in they’ll learn the meaning of retribution!
Friday, May 4
Fluid Motion Workout Class Lund 224 2:30 p.m.
And I get arrested when I do that in public.
Celebration of Creative Inquiry Banquet Rooms 5:00 p.m.
Until the Spanish Inquisition busts that sh*t up.
Capture the Flag Shakespeare Pit 5:30 p.m.
This game almost ruined that Iwo Jima photo.
G Sharp Spring Concert Beck Hall Atrium 7:30 p.m.
They will be holding a musical symposium on female recreational desires.
Origin Story Anderson Theatre 8:00 p.m.
You know what? I can’t think of a joke for this thing. It must not be very good.
Saturday, May 5
Futurama Marathon Olin 103 12:00 p.m.
I … I really can’t see anything to make fun of here. Way to give the people what they want.
The 2012 Senior Honors Recital Bjorling Recital Hall 1:30 p.m.
If you look closely you’ll see all the performing seniors’ eyes drift slowly toward the door and sweet, sweet freedom.
Origin Story Anderson Theatre 8:00 p.m.
Theres a high degree of audience participation. You get to shoot the protagonist’s parents.
Sunday, May 6
Festival Of Nations Saint Paul, Minn 1:30 p.m.
Tragedy ensuses when the Capture the Flag game mistakenly wanders in.
Origin Story Anderson Theatre 8:00 p.m.
Or you get to eat radium and bite the protagonist.
Learning to Serve: “Community in Petatlan Mexico and Saint Peter Minnesota” Treaty Site History Center 4:00 p.m.
Learning to serve: job training for philosophy grads.
Monday, May 7
Gustavus Forensics Showcase Beck Hall Atrium 5:15 p.m.
Gustavus Forensics practice and a psychward: The two places it is perfectly acceptable to spend half an hour talking to a wall.
Cultural Appropriation International Center Lounge 7:00 p.m.
Yes! I too am outraged by the stealing and cheapening of customs from other cultures. I can’t come though. I’ll still be hungover from Cinco de Mayo.
Tuesday, May 8
Berzelius Fika Nobel Lobby 10:00 a.m.
… is the safe word. Don’t forget.
Cardio Strength Lund Aerobics Room 7:00 p.m.
The event with heart! … Eh, F*ck it. I’m graduating in two weeks.
Wednesday, May 9
Prezi (Culpeper Workshop Series) Vickner 108 4:00 p.m.
This is the danger word. Don’t forget this one either.
FILM: Global Insight —The Hunters (Sweden) Confer 128 7:00 p.m.
The other side of the Bambi story.
Thursday, May 10
Seaboard Science Award Heritage Banquet Room 10:30 p.m.
This prestigious award will be presented by Doctor Seuss.
Shady Horoscope
Aries: I hear you are going with a new hairstyle. Take some time to mullet over.
Taurus: You forgot the Alamo despite being strictly told to remember it? For shame!
Gemini: Congratulations! I see that you discovered time travel as evidenced by your kicking around a hackey sack right now.
Cancer: Your weekly game of horseshoes is rudely interrupted this week. PETA is really taking things too far.
Leo: Nice try tornado season, but we know your tricks now.
Virgo: Hey fever might be the friendliest curse.
Libra: You think finals week will be rough? Try fermenting pigeon and drinking it. That’s rough.
Scorpio: Friday night is date night! Saturday is the less exciting raisin night.
Sagittarius: Dried fruit jokes! You know it; you can’t get enough of it.
Capricorn: Be sure to meet in Alumni Hall at 6:00 p.m. for Fish and Chips, a.k.a. the Catholic Poker League.
Aquarius: What are you doing reading this? Waldo is still at large, and not looking for him isn’t going help bring him to justice.
Pisces: The skeletons in your closet are a clear indication of hide and seek gone awry.