Calendar (05/04/12)

* The Calendar Page is considered editorial. The opinions expressed herein are not the opinions of The GusTavian Weekly, but are in fact a small tub of mice, placed on top of a door standing ajar. When your roommate comes in they’ll learn the meaning of retribution!

The Shady Character is proud to be training in his young ward. James Freetly.

Friday, May 4

Fluid Motion Workout Class Lund 224 2:30 p.m.

And I get arrested when I do that in public.

Celebration of Creative Inquiry Banquet Rooms 5:00 p.m.

Until the Spanish Inquisition busts that sh*t up.

Capture the Flag Shakespeare Pit 5:30 p.m.

This game almost ruined that Iwo Jima photo.

G Sharp Spring Concert Beck Hall Atrium 7:30 p.m.

They will be holding a musical symposium on female recreational desires.

Origin Story Anderson Theatre 8:00 p.m.

You know what? I can’t think of a joke for this thing. It must not be very good.

Saturday, May 5

Futurama Marathon Olin 103 12:00 p.m.

I … I really can’t see anything to make fun of here. Way to give the people what they want.

The 2012 Senior Honors Recital Bjorling Recital Hall 1:30 p.m.

If you look closely you’ll see all the performing seniors’ eyes drift slowly toward the door and sweet, sweet freedom.

Origin Story Anderson Theatre 8:00 p.m.

Theres a high degree of audience participation. You get to shoot the protagonist’s parents.

Sunday, May 6

Festival Of Nations Saint Paul, Minn 1:30 p.m.

Tragedy ensuses when the Capture the Flag game mistakenly wanders in.

Origin Story Anderson Theatre 8:00 p.m.

Or you get to eat radium and bite the protagonist.

Learning to Serve: “Community in Petatlan Mexico and Saint Peter Minnesota” Treaty Site History Center 4:00 p.m.

Learning to serve: job training for philosophy grads.

Monday, May 7

Gustavus Forensics Showcase Beck Hall Atrium 5:15 p.m.

Gustavus Forensics practice and a psychward: The two places it is perfectly acceptable to spend half an hour talking to a wall.

Cultural Appropriation International Center Lounge 7:00 p.m.

Yes! I too am outraged by the stealing and cheapening of customs from other cultures. I can’t come though. I’ll still be hungover from Cinco de Mayo.

Tuesday, May 8

Berzelius Fika Nobel Lobby 10:00 a.m.

… is the safe word. Don’t forget.

Cardio Strength Lund Aerobics Room 7:00 p.m.

The event with heart! … Eh, F*ck it. I’m graduating in two weeks.

Wednesday, May 9

Prezi (Culpeper Workshop Series) Vickner 108 4:00 p.m.

This is the danger word. Don’t forget this one either.

FILM: Global Insight —The Hunters (Sweden) Confer 128 7:00 p.m.

The other side of the Bambi story.

Thursday, May 10

Seaboard Science Award Heritage Banquet Room 10:30 p.m.

This prestigious award will be presented by Doctor Seuss.


Shady Horoscope

Aries: I hear you are going with a new hairstyle. Take some time to mullet over.

Taurus: You forgot the Alamo despite being strictly told to remember it? For shame!

Gemini: Congratulations! I see that you discovered time travel as evidenced by your kicking around a hackey sack right now.

Cancer: Your weekly game of horseshoes is rudely interrupted this week. PETA is really taking things too far.

Leo: Nice try tornado season, but we know your tricks now.

Virgo: Hey fever might be the friendliest curse.

Libra: You think finals week will be rough? Try fermenting pigeon and drinking it. That’s rough.

Scorpio: Friday night is date night! Saturday is the less exciting raisin night.

Sagittarius: Dried fruit jokes! You know it; you can’t get enough of it.

Capricorn: Be sure to meet in Alumni Hall at 6:00 p.m. for Fish and Chips, a.k.a. the Catholic Poker League.

Aquarius: What are you doing reading this? Waldo is still at large, and not looking for him isn’t going help bring him to justice.

Pisces: The skeletons in your closet are a clear indication of hide and seek gone awry.