Think of every romantic comedy you’ve seen. Now combine them all into a giant, jumbled, cliché mess and you have created New Year’s Eve. At first glance, with its all-star cast, this film may look promising, but then you think again of every other movie chock full of big names and you remember how angry they left you.

This particular “rom-com” takes the audience through what would seem to be several vignettes, but instead introduces many characters, each in an unrelated fashion and at the end somehow ties them together.

With Aston Kutcher, Michelle Pheiffer, Jessica Biel, Zac Efron, Robert Deniro, Halle Berry, Seth Meyers, Sarah Jessica Parker, Lea Michele and Katherine Heigl (and a few more, I’m sure, but I got tired of writing actor names), this frighteningly boring film makes its way through two painstaking hours of rotten one-liners and hokey speeches.

The basic premise of the plotline is that it’s New Year’s Eve and each character has their little obstacle to overcome, whether it’s a lost love, a dying father or teen angst.

Zac Efron, for example, is a gross dude that just wants in the ladies’ pants. He somehow finds this older lady who coaxes him into fulfilling her resolutions by waving fancy party tickets in his face.

Her “resolutions” are really more of a bucket list, but include travelling round the world or going to Bali. But they’re in New York City, so he has to get creative. It’s lame and cheesy and you’ve seen it before, believe me.

I’d give you the gist of everyone else’s little story, but I’d be repeating myself 19 times over. She’s mad at him at first but they fall in love; he wants to kiss her then he does; he wants to love her but then she loves him first … you get the idea.

If you’re thinking of heading on over to the weekend movie this weekend, I’d advise a friendly trip to the Dive, a friend’s room or even the caf —any would prove more enjoyable than this film. I watched the whole film for what felt like three days even though the clock on my computer said one hundred and eighteen minutes.

I plead you Gusties, faculty, alumni and other casual Weekly readers, save yourself from this wretch. I award one half of a star solely for the reason that it is indeed a film and not a rock. I give this movie one half star out of five.