Look on the bright side.”
“Think positively.”
“Dream big.”

All of these sayings are as cliché and overused as a black-and-white iPhotoBooth profile pic on Facebook, and hearing them produces the same reaction as hearing any live recording of Taylor Swift’s so called “music.” Which is to vomit.

That’s because all of these sayings are outrageously optimistic. Not to be Debby Downer here, but I feel it is important to recognize the reality of life—which is that it sometimes sucks. A lot. These sayings, while trying to be encouraging and supportive, completely overlook the reality of life’s suckage and leads us to ignore our problems instead of dealing with them.

It’s like opening a fortune cookie and reading “a thrilling time is in your future (in bed)” on the small piece of paper, and ignoring the fact that there is mold growing on the inside. Yes, that fortune was positive, but it distracted you from the fact that you, my friend, just ate black mold. Enjoy your evening with the toilet.

For example, if my pet hamster just passed away, I don’t want someone to tell me the following: “Think positively. At least Mr. Hammie isn’t suffering anymore.” My response to them would be a violent “No! I will not think positively in this time. My hamster just died and I want him back!” I feel these optimistic sayings belittle pain and don’t allow people to feel what’s natural.

Similarly, to “look on the bright side” is to claim that only the illuminated parts of life are important. Put that darkness behind you, they say. Don’t worry that there might be an axe murderer or a vicious dog or a creepy, cannibalistic clown following behind you in the shadows. To me, looking on the bright side leaves us vulnerable to any one or even all three of these scary attackers. I say let’s deal with those creatures of the night before they come to light, before they enter our homes and bedrooms and steamy shower scenes from horror movies.

And so the danger of optimism lies in its obscuring of hurt and suffering. Life is not all rainbows and puppies, as much as I wish it to be (because I do love puppies), and being too idealistic makes us unable to cope with the reality of such hurt and suffering. Why there is pain in the world, I don’t know. But I do know that it is there and we need to face it.

Perhaps people turn to optimism because they are afraid to feel hurt. Let’s face it, not many would choose being sad over being happy, but there’s a difference between choosing what to feel and not letting yourself feel. Not acknowledging the bad stuff in your life is like not acknowledging the expanding brown mole on your back just because you can’t see it. Let’s do a full-body check, people. That means the good parts (Yes, that rash is gone!) and bad parts (Oops, I have some phone calls to make).

I sometimes say that I am a pessimistic realist as opposed to an optimistic idealist. I try to see the world and the people in it as they are, which, unfortunately, is usually quite sad. That is not to say there can’t be happiness and good things in the world and in people, but rather that I also recognize that some people are horrible and some situations are terrible.

Jeez, maybe I am Debby Downer.

So next time something bad or sad happens, let’s not ignore our feelings and hide them under the veil of optimistic sayings. Let’s recognize hurt and suffering, learn healthy ways to cope and then enjoy the good things life has to offer. Let’s look on the dimly-lit-but-just-light-enough-to-not-have-creepy-shadows-and-not-be-blinded-by-light-either side.