You’ve discovered it this morning as you plunked your toothbrush into your

– shower caddy or
– cup by the sink or
– the cardboard box that functions as your toiletry bin along with a meeting grounds for crusty lotion bits and fantastic hair clumps.

You’ve discovered that blue section of your favorite Oral-B has faded to white, God’s way of letting you know it is time to move on, perhaps to bigger and better things like that toothbrush with the

– gum massagers or
– ergonomic handle or
– tongue scraper, thus making it even easier to enjoy that second where you feel you just might throw up but are too scared to commit.

You retrieve your former oral companion (don’t go there, sicko) from it’s usual home and hope there is some way it could stay in your life, for (oh!) you

– care for the environment or
– have a toothbrush fetish or
– are like one of the people on Hoarders whose house is filled with everything they’ve touched since fourth grade.

Whatever your need for alternative means for carrying on the life of your toothbrush after its dental death, reader, might I offer you some suggestions?
Grout cleaner. Now, this may seem obvious, as the fine bristles of a toothbrush are  a perfect size for getting into those nasty grout lines. But why not multi-task and get some shower cleaning done while you also are cleaning yourself! Simply set the toothbrush on that convenient shelf, and as you wait for your conditioner to set, start scrubbing away! You can even do this the “green” way and turn off the water, for there is no sexier image than that of your damp and slightly sudsy, buck-naked self scouring away at tiles while the cold air slowly creeps through the shower curtain and gives you goose bumps.

Awkward knitting needles. Use two old toothbrushes instead of actual knitting needles. Creates for an interesting lumpy pattern in that scarf you’re working on for next winter, and it gives a slight tickling sensation from the bristle against your palms.

Leg hair brush. We’ve all seen them, those with almost astonishingly long leg hair, most often of the male gender, but not exclusively. If you have long leg hair, you ought to keep it groomed, just as one with long head hair ought to do. The extended handle of a toothbrush creates excellent reach-ability on your longer limbs, thus allowing you to brush with the direction of hair growth which we all know leads to improved hair smoothness. Males and females alike ought take equal care of their legs.

Puppet. Are you a nanny for small children? Want to distract your roommates? Want to distract yourself? Glue some googly eyes, ridiculous ears, maybe even a stylish scarf from a piece of yarn onto your toothbrush and voila! Puppet. Like a finger puppet except now your fingers won’t get tired or hyper-extended.

Innovative lawn ornament. Tie a string around the head of the toothbrush and hang from a branch. Hang many from branches. Stick one in the ground like a pink flamingo as a symbolic gesture for proper dental care as a requisite in all homes.

Stick many in the ground. Don’t have a yard of your own? Usurp someone else’s and consider your decorations a gift of expression.

Now friends, you have five alternative uses for an old toothbrush. If you don’t have an old toothbrush, well, then you’ll just have to figure out other ways to pass time when you should be doing homework, participating in school activities and other sorts of collegiate responsibilities. Happy innovating, and remember that within each old item lies infinite possibilities for new items. One man’s junk is another person’s treasure. (And yes I did just end this commentary with an innuendo.)