I have often spent many a lunch break in casual observation and appreciation of the opposite sex, positioning myself in the prime man-watching position around the table as I (seductively, of course) eat my chicken dumpling soup. And as I watch those entering the Marketplace, sitting with friends, sitting with lady friends, sitting alone, I wonder which of these fine fellows is in love with me.

No, I’m not really that vain. But hear me out: you never quite know who might be in love with you without your knowing. You could be their heart’s desire.

Think of it this way: if you’ve ever had a crush on someone, there is an equal chance of someone out there having a crush on you, and if you think someone is attractive, surely someone finds you attractive. It’s simple math. People are people, people like people, the probability has to be out there. So while I am admiring the male form in the Marketplace, I have to wonder if there is someone admiring my form. (It is at this time I put down my soupspoon and find it impossible to continue my meal, as having people watch me eat makes me nervous.)

But Holy Chubby Cupid With His Heart Arrows there is much joy in this idea! For all I know, the sight of me can make someone’s day just as seeing that certain someone makes mine! I could be the light of their life, the Pam to their Jim, the zesty orange salsa to their tender pork loin. And if that doesn’t make your stomach get all googily inside, I don’t know what will.

However, say one male tickles my fancy just right, and I wish to approach him. Should I? Would this be acceptable behavior?

This is where my version of the ideal dating world and that of the actual dating world collide. I feel we should be able to talk with whomever we want, especially with those to whom we are attracted, without all the underlying questions of intentionality or the possibility of appearing over-aggressive. Why are we (I’m talking both sexes here) so passive? Is there something wrong with introducing yourself to a stranger with only the intention of making yourself known? Is there something wrong with telling them, “Hey, I think you’re cool. Do you want to get coffee?” Why do we feel we need a reason to talk to them, a purpose other than general (or much more) interest?

Perhaps the college environment, as much as it tries to be otherwise, does not accurately represent “real-world” dating. In the real world, we don’t have classes to meet people; we have jobs that might entail some stipulations about office relationships. In the real world we don’t have music groups or student organizations that are as easily accessible. We will not be surrounded primarily with peers within one or two years of age from us for that much longer. College life essentially narrows down our choices for us: It is easier to try to look for love on campus than it is go out into the world and search through immediately more quantities of people, and with that a wider age range (unless you’re into that).

I think it’s safe to say that we’ve all been frustrated at some point with our love lives simply because we’re afraid to put ourselves out there. Not saying that there aren’t those who are shameless and go for it (I envy these people), but rather that it is easier and safer to wait than it is to take a stand. It is easier to hope that your love will find you than it is to try to find it yourself and get rejected along the way.

I guess what I’m saying is that us single-folk must not be ashamed of our singlehood any longer. Any time is the right time to introduce yourself, to open a door for someone, to sit by them in class and actually have a conversation instead of staring longingly from across the room.

Ask them to help with something you truly need help with. But what we have to be prepared for is the possibility of rejection. We should acknowledge it, but also know that we will never get anywhere if we live in fear of it.

Who knows, maybe that certain someone you’ve had your eye on feels the same way about you and neither of you knew it. Look! Love has blossomed, and with such ease!

Happy love-searching, Gusties. I am off to practice what I preach. Or maybe I’ll just get back to eating my soup.