A couple weeks ago, the iPod that my girlfriend and I shared was brutally murdered by a careless Nalgene bottle, with the help of gravity and the enclosed space that is my girlfriend’s purse. I was not there when the act occurred, but the news hit me rather hard. It was a frantic conversation: I demanded to have the who, the why, the what, the … Continue reading iPeople
Dear Materialism, I am on to you, dude. We are getting close to Christmas time, and I am aware of your plans. I refuse to let you tell people, “If you buy a Hummer, everyone will bow down to you,” or, “Nintendo? Get with the times; Playstation 3 is where it’s at!” Stop right now. You have turned this country into a giant money-spending machine. … Continue reading Dear Materialism
As if the pre-purchased packaging of our modern day commodities isn’t enough, during the holidays we somehow feel the need to add another layer to the excess. One more source of grossly consumptive paper waste—tape it on, rip it off, toss it out. I cringe to think of Dec. 26 and the procession of black plastic trash receptacles that will inevitably line the curb. Body … Continue reading “That’s a wrap.”
Just like any Gustavus student, I love watching and sharing YouTube videos with friends and family. You can watch Tina Fey testing out her pageant walk as Sarah Palin, Charlie biting his British older brother’s “fin-gah,” and the evolution of dance, Macarena and all. One day I decided to type the F-word into the search bar. Pull your head out of the gutter. I did … Continue reading The other F-word
Most of us can agree that education is one of the most important services provided by our government and that we all want America’s education system to be the best in the world. That is why in 2004 we spent $536 billion on it, which is $82 billion more than we spent on the war in Iraq and the rest of our military. So why, … Continue reading Struggling schools
Captain’s Log, Star Date Tuesday, Nov. 25; 2:00 p.m.: As my last class concludes, I begin the great migration from St. Peter, Minnesota, to Elmhurst, Illinois, a lonely outpost of the greater Chicago land Star System. The occasion: the Festival of Giving Thanks. The distance: seven hours by automobile (although if a parental unit is driving, local speed limits will be observed and increase the … Continue reading The Ride Home
With the electoral victory of Barack Hussein Obama, there are some vital announcements we need to make. It is projected that since racism no longer exists, civil rights activist Jessie Jackson will divert all his energies into trying to recover the recently extinct river dolphins in China. Also, before the election, you may have noticed that this column was written by a Caucasian and an … Continue reading Racism – I’m over it.
Remember when you would get nervous before an important test or a big game, and your parents would say, “Just do your best, honey, and everything will be OK”? Either you took them seriously and calmed yourself a bit, or you sneered at them and thought, “They don’t realize how important this is to me.” Personally, I thought it was soothing to hear my parents … Continue reading Unhealthy competition
Out of sight, out of mind, right? If we clean up the hateful words that give us chills, we can forget about this one incident, pile it up with the rest and hope it does not topple over. Our campus was left scarred even after the paint on the victims’ cars was cleared. In lieu of the horrifying hate crimes committed Nov. 1 on our … Continue reading Taking a stand against hate
Another long and contentious election has played out in America, and fortunately it went pretty smoothly. Issues at the polls were few and far between, and the result was clear-cut and decisive. Voter registration saw tremendous gains, and more Americans than ever came together to exercise their right to vote. There is much that both sides of the aisle can jointly celebrate in this election. … Continue reading Congratulations, Mr. Obama
