Heroes have value, but hero worship is a useless thing. Heroes can inspire us and provide an example or inspiration in our lives, but too much adulation makes us forget they were just human beings, people like us. Hero worship can negate or remove our own belief in ourselves. It’s even worse when the hero being worshipped is an empty shell, a mere image or … Continue reading We Must Name Every Highway and Public Area We Can Find After Ronald Reagan

I am still haunted by one childhood memory.  I was 10 years old, jamming out to the Backstreet Boys in my room, when suddenly my big brother barged through the door and yelled, “Turn that off! Backstreet Boys are lame.” This was my astute older sibling coming to enlighten me of a supposed fact. He is, after all, older and wiser than I am. But … Continue reading Shoot me an I-Message

Welcome all ye students! Welcome back to the paradise that is college. Smell the green grass and giant plants growing in the Gustavus jungle. Gaze upon the tall, brick buildings and that tiny space called your dorm room. Feel the pages of brand new, overpriced textbooks. Smell the delicious scents wafting from the cafeteria. Hear the birds chirping, cicadas buzzing and the Gustie Greeters shouting … Continue reading Farewell Old Man Summer

What is the point of private insurance? This seems like a simple question, but after you think about it for a minute, you aren’t really sure anymore. The basic answer most people will give you is to pay for medical bills when you’re sick. But, why do insurance companies have to pay our medical bills for us? The goal of an insurance company is the … Continue reading What’s so Great About Private Insurance?

I am collecting beautiful things. Mix CDs, photographs. Catalpa pods and campfire smoke. Spontaneous sing-alongs and potentially embarrassing dance-scapades. Late nights with deep mugs of coffee, sunsets on Physical Plant Mountain and dirt under my fingernails. And wind. It’s about time I pack ‘em all up. I know a good number of students who made the decision to come to Gustavus simply because of a … Continue reading This I believe

During an interview last week with television personality Charles Grodin, Fox News’ Sean Hannity agreed to be water-boarded for charity. A bold pledge no one is sure to hold him to, but it is an interesting one to think about. Perhaps after he is water-boarded, Hannity will learn the golden rule the rest of us learned as four-year-olds back in preschool: treat others as you … Continue reading Closing thoughts

All great things must come to an end. (Sorry for the cheesy cliché.) For the past two years, I have written columns about a wide range of issues, from abortion to Jesus running for President. Now in my final column, I want to express to those of you who actually read my column what I have learned from writing for The Gustavian Weekly. Continue reading Parting shots

What follows is sure to be controversial. I’ve spent my entire tenure as a commentary writer attempting to talk about controversial things. I think, however, I have finally found out how to do this: talk about things about which people hold a wide variety of opinions, and about which they care immensely. My previous articles on religion, gender, gun control, hate, diversity and what it means to be a Gustie have missed the mark in this regard. I assume by the lack of letters to the editor in response to these articles that most everyone here is in agreement on those topics. So, I’m turning to an even more controversial subject: how to be awesome. Continue reading How to be awesome

Whilst I was recently perusing the latest LOL Cats pictures, a benevolent and omniscient voice came into my head. “Maggie,” the voice simply said, “this is God.” Needless to say, I crapped my pants. I quickly changed into a clean pair (because who wants to speak with their Creator in soiled skivvies?) and responded, “I’m here, God. Would you, um, like something to drink? I … Continue reading The time I gave God a headache

Hello, my name is Galen Mitchell, and I’m a music addict and snob. I’ve been living with this condition for over 12 years now. I still remember the first CD I ever owned, the one that started it all. … It was The Beatles—Past Masters: Volume One—and I “stole” it from my father when I was seven years old. Sure, it was a compilation disc, … Continue reading Confessions of music snob