Features Editor- Eric Hofer
(This is an entirely fictional and satirical article)
With the turn of the month, love fills the cold winter air at Gustavus once again. In addition to the staple February traditions on the hill, ranging from paper hearts around the campus to sending those you love cans of Crush, Dining Services is excited to roll out a new tradition. To celebrate Valentine’s Day, Evelyn Young Dining Room, better known as simply the cafeteria, will be transformed into a fine dining experience.
To accompany this, the cafeteria will be renamed Evelyn, and all tables will be fitted to accommodate two people for a romantic meal out. Pristine white tablecloths will be draped over the tables, and the lights will be dimmed, with the main sources of light being small candles on the tables. Students can expect more hands-on service than typically provided, with staff operating like waitstaff at a restaurant.
The most distinct change, however, is the new limited-time menu being rolled out. For the day, the all-you-care-to-eat style will be replaced by a short, elegant menu. To your right, you will find the planned menu, though minor changes are still possible in the lead-up to Valentine’s Day. Dining Services assures diners that this carefully curated menu has been designed with romance in mind, describing the menu as “intimate yet accessible.”
Reservations will open February 8th at midnight. Though not required, they’re still recommended as Dining Services anticipates serving a full dining room. The department recommends that diners arrive at least five minutes prior to their reservation. In an effort to keep these meals accessible for all guests, students will be able to pay for their meals with their meal plan. However, tips will have to be paid out of pocket, and the wait staff will be expecting a generous tip.
“We’re hoping to challenge the status quo of cafeteria food and show prospective students what Gustavus can do,” a Dining Services representative said. “I’m also looking forward to getting tipped out. So, please, come in for a meal or two! I want to buy a new Rolex.”
To keep a fine-dining environment, there will be an expectation to respect the atmosphere of the space. While there’s no formal dress code, diners are encouraged to dress for the night out, both for the ambiance and their date. Dining Services highly encourages diners to review their table manners and avoid making a mess on the tables.
Reactions from the student body have mostly been positive, although some are skeptical. Many critics say that the fare is little more than the average cafeteria food or point to the dangers of having open flames. On the other hand, prospective diners look forward to the change of pace, giving many students a rare opportunity to eat in a high-class establishment.
“I find it to be a bit of a waste of money,” a skeptical student commented. “I wish they’d spend this money improving other aspects of the cafeteria rather than deciding to turn it into a ‘nice’ restaurant for a day.”
Dining Services has commented saying that their goal, besides giving students a memorable night, is to obtain a Michelin Star, making Gustavus home of the greatest college cafeteria in the United States, even if for a day.
Following Valentine’s Day, Evelyn will be restored to its original name, all the decorations will be reset, and the all-you-care-to-eat style will return, as the cafeteria resumes its normal operations.