Opinion Editor- Soph White
What is this 6-7 disease? And how can I stop this from spreading into my household?
I saw something last night that I fear may have caused long-term, irreparable harm. I acknowledge, to my friends, that had I been born in another decade, I truly believe that I would have been given a lobotomy against my will or would have ended up in some sort of asylum. Now, I fear the bar has become even lower, with this video I saw showing a young man recovering from the 6-7. One of his friends visiting him talked about how long it had been since they had last seen each other, and one said, “Hasn’t it been, like, what? 6-7 years?” Immediately, the man with the 6-7 disease was no longer in recovery, but making a juggling motion with his hands and screaming 6-7 in solitary confinement.
The terror I feel at the prospect of your average, everyday person being confined for the 6-7 makes me tremble in my boots. Luckily, I have found reputable sources on what this disease looks like out in the wild. The CDC (Colleen “Danger” Coleman), recently had the distinct honor of field experience at a nearby middle school, observing fifth grade classrooms.
“To my horror, the 6-7 epidemic had spread. Within 2 hours, I had seen at least 40 instances of the 6-7ing. Whether it be counting rhythm in music class, or experiencing the stature of someone who is 6’6”.”
It’s infecting our children. Soon, it will spread to your beloved dogs. Those videos where a dog is standing up on their hind legs and 6-7ing–it’s not AI. We are made to believe by our society that what is happening to these families are fake, but let’s look into the real facts here–we are sheep.
The 6-7 has infiltrated every nook and cranny existing in our stinky society. It has even become something purposefully spread through the NFL through imagery. Yeah–that’s right. I watched your commercial, NFL, and I’m not pleased. So, you think 6-7ing is cool, huh? I’m watching you. Do you think it is just a coincidence that 6 and 7 are existing so closely together? It’s not.
The Minnesota JOA (Jenna “Onomatopoeia” Anderson) has commented on the purposeful disease spreading by the NFL: “It’s disappointing to see how such a large and influential company infects our youths with such horrendous behaviors. Mmm yes. I think so. It’s disheartening to see math, counting, numbers taken outside the context of academics to be used for tom-foolery and satanic practices.”
Based on correlating evidence, the Minnesota JOA has begun an investigation into the NFL to see if they have internal connections into the Illuminati. All this to say–nowhere is safe, kids.
“It’s biological warfare out there folks.” – Benjamin Franklin (died 2025 from 6-7)
With all these facts laid out for us, what steps do we take to keep ourselves armed from such dangerous tactics of infection.
- Cut off your hands.
- Ground yourself in the knowledge that you aren’t just a number.
- Commit yourself to being 4’5”–it’s safer there.
- Stay away from media sources that could corrupt you from the inside out.
- Find a therapist who has the guts to call you an idiot.
- And most importantly of them all, if you find yourself 6-7ing, don’t go towards the light.