Clare Greeman – Long Suffering English Major

We all know that high school English classes are a breeding ground for some lackluster discussions of classic literature: the old, the racist, and the white. But for bereaved English majors the fun never stops, including the lackluster discussions. So here’s your guide to some classics so if god forbid you’re caught staring down the barrel of one of these crusty “woe is me” slaver stories, you’ll know whether to read it or ruin it.

Brave New World
Truly the bottom of the barrel when it comes to the dystopia craze, and I’m including both the dystopias of the last century and the ones from last decade, but don’t think that doesn’t mean I don’t have a bone to pick with the Divergent series.
Brave New World takes place in a world where everything is streamlined in an assembly line-like world; everyone is born into a different faction that determines their appearance, their intelligence, and the line of work they are destined for. Their god is Henry Ford (yes, that Henry Ford- but I’m not sure good ol’ clit snipping Ford would’ve have approved of all of the prepubescent sex described in this book). We follow Bernard Marx as he ventures out of the walls of the city to live with “savages” (aka. Non-white people) and brings them back to disgust and entertain the rest of his society.
The whole work is a comment on conformity and the dangers of an all powerful technological state which I imagine excites those who love the dystopian genre, but I can only hope and imagine that the same themes are present in other books that are written better without all of the misogyny, rascism, and disgusting sex scenes. Heed, and a cry for help.

To Kill a Mockingbird
It’s unfortunate that I hate white saviorism, because I love this book. And Gregory Peck as Atticus in the 1962 film isn’t bad either.
The book is based on Harper Lee’s own experiences of growing up in the South during Jim Crow. She grows up with her brother and her lawyer father as she loses her naivety about the adult and racist world that she is surrounded by. We follow her through a mundane and joyful year, until that bubble is shattered when her father agrees to defend a black man from from a rape accusation of a white woman, for which both her father and Scout are attacked for. The innocent man is acquitted, Scout loves her father, and I am crying.
20 minutes later I am wondering why such a panderous piece of white trash has gotten to me. The novel does a truly great job of depicting a young girl coming to adult consciousness, and the book is full of heart, no matter how misplaced that heart is. On the surface level, I call this book a read, just with the caveat that you understand its faults and don’t perpetuate them.

The Scarlet Letter
Despite its popularity, this is one of Nathenial Hawthorne’s weakest works. There’s certainly things to love about this book; there are important messages about puritanism and fallacies in the Christian doctrine that still feel current. There is also the classic tone and the melodramatic plot of the gothic novel to give it merit, though all are buried under piles of superfluous prose that makes the book look deceptively small.
The book follows Hester Prynne through the diaries of an unnamed narrator as she is made to wear a red ‘A’ across her chest to mark her as an adulterer. Questions arise as to who is the father of Pearl, how and if Hester’s husband’s identity will be exposed, and why is Pearl so gosh darn evil?
The synopsis, which is so small, spans across almost 150 only due to the mountains of old-timey language Hawthorne buries us under; his prose, which is usually beautiful, threatens to suffocate you, causing you to lose the plot and lose your mind in the process. Heed, unless you like being smothered by your books, for some reason.

Their Eyes Were Watching God
A wise man once said save the best for last, and so I did.
Their Eyes Were Watching God follows a woman named Janie as she enters and leaves three major relationships with men. Though this book’s trajectory could be described as just that, the book really follows Jaine as through these relationships she grows and changes. The book discusses gender roles, slavery, black perception in the south, and liberation.
Hurston writes with astounding prose that won’t bury you but will leave your heart aching. The story of a woman attempting to get out from under her relationships stands the test of time in the worst and best ways, I can’t recommend this book enough. Read!