Staff Writer- Mary Athorp

There’s no doubt that when September rolls around, Dancing with the Stars takes the television world by storm. It’s a genius media idea, really. I mean, putting celebrities into a spotlight they’ve never been in before humanizes them. They become relatable in a way that only live television can produce. Furthermore, pairing them with seasoned professionals highlights the insane art form of dance and allows typical audience members to not only enjoy but also appreciate it.

Over the past couple of seasons, I have watched every Dancing with the Stars episode vigilantly, taking note of the specific recipe that the show cooks up to create the captivating product we all know and love. There seems to be an unspoken cast list that the producers fill up with each new batch of celebrities. At this point, they must have it down to a science. And, might I add, so do I. This is why I’ve taken the liberty of writing down my thoughts on this unspoken cast list and how we can nearly determine who will be taking home that Mirror Ball trophy.

First on our cast list, we have the “Token Old Fellas.” To be frank, these guys aren’t winning. But, we all love them (and, honestly, we usually love one more than the other). Past trends show that one of them will always end up with Emma Slater because somehow she finds a way to make them last more than one week – and that’s a win in their book. This year, two men fall into this category: Andy Richter (Emma Slater) and Corey Feldman (Jenna Johnson). As the first elimination revealed, Corey will no longer be joining us for the rest of the season, which is a bit of a blow to Jenna’s fresh Mirror Ball, but alas, that’s showbiz.

Second, we have our “Could Have Been Dancers.” These are the contestants that probably have some sort of past dance experience and, if paired with a crowd-pleasing personality, could easily take home that Mirror Ball trophy. In my opinion, this year’s batch of “Could Have Been Dancers” will go far, but not necessarily take the cake. These contestants include: Alix Earle (Val Chmerkovskiy), Elaine Hendrix (Alan Bersten), and Hilaria Baldwin (Gleb Savchenko).

Third on the cast list are the “Have a Nice Smile” Contestants. This year, these would be Dylan Efron (Daniella Karagach) and Lauren Jauregui (Brandon Armstrong). I think both of these contestants will put in good work, but I don’t know if they have “Mirror Ball” written on their hearts. I think these two will be some of the earlier ones to go.

Every season has the “Athletes Who Take on the Ballroom,” and I think this can go one of two ways: they are either out right off the bat or they make it to the finals. Take Baron Davis (Britt Stewart) for example. He was out in the first round of eliminations. I don’t think this was to any fault of his own, just oftentimes athletes are lesser-known people who move in more rigid and big ways. These aspects paired together don’t often account for a lengthy stay on the show. However, I do foresee Jordan Chiles (Ezra Sosa) going relatively far. I do not think she will win, but athletes who are nimble, flexible, and personable stand a chance in my book, and I think Jordan entertains those qualities well.

Next is a strong slew of “Runner-Ups.” “Runner-ups” are those contestants who came to play. Arguably, they could win, but my best guess is they’ll be in the top five. They’ve got killer personalities, hard work ethics, and overall talent when it comes to dancing. Generally, these celebrities are rather unique in their claim to fame. Danielle Fishel (Pasha Pashkov) wins everyone’s hearts and puts in the work. Scott Hoying (Rylee Arnold) is limber, hilarious, and has the whole Pentatonix thing going for him. Finally, Jen Affleck (Jan Ravnik) literally just gave birth (crazy!) and is moving well—not to mention her recent publicity from Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is helping a lot. I have it in good mind that these folks will stick around for a while, so get used to them.

And, finally, we have “The Crowd Favorite” and the “Eyes on the Mirror Ball Contestant.” “The Crowd Favorite” is always easy to find because it’s the one everyone always talks about. This year’s Crowd Favorite is most certainly Robert Irwin (Whitney Carson). His personality is so endearing and captivating, not to mention the man has some moves too! I think he not only will rack up scores on the judge’s end, but also points with the audience. The “Eyes on the Mirror Ball Contestant” is the person who is locked in on winning this competition, but in a manner that’s respectable and not off-putting. Whitney Leavitt (Mark Ballas) is filling that role this year, at least in my eyes. She can groove like nobody’s business, is relentlessly herself, but also respects the other contestants, and has a lot of popularity from The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. I wouldn’t be surprised if these two take the top spots… My money is on Irwin coming in first with Leavitt in second, but I suppose only time will tell.

Ultimately, no, I have no idea what is going to happen in this 34th season of Dancing with the Stars, but it’s fun to pretend that I do. Plus, what isn’t fun about making something into something far more dramatic than it needs to be? And if you know me, you know I’m here for the drama.

I’m kidding… kind of. Perhaps if I were on Dancing with the Stars, they would make a new spot for me on the cast list… maybe I would be “The Wild Card.”