Raquel Vaughn-
A Barbie Dreamhouse is a home built with the girls, the gays, and the theys in mind. It has many rooms for many different activities like baking, playing music, doing yoga, and more. The closets in a Barbie Dreamhouse are deep and the temperature is just right. And if there is no pool with a pink slide, then a Barbie Dreamhouse will always have a great view. A Mojo Dojo Casa House, on the other hand, is what can only be described as a “man cave.” Pictures of animals, sports, and supermodels are what make a Mojo Dojo Casa House into a Mojo Dojo Casa Home. This includes plenty of opportunities to compete because a house for “the boys” almost always has a foosball table.
Sure, America Ferrera’s tear-jerking monologue from the film Barbie may have moved every theater in the states but what Gusties are really dying to know is if they live in a Barbie Dreamhouse or a Mojo Dojo Casa House.
Starting with the freshman dorms, Norelius Hall has been unofficially (officially) declared as the ultimate Mojo Dojo Casa House. Norelius, commonly referred to as “Co-Ed,” not only offers minimum natural sunlight but also has a view that looks out to the Gustie Softball Field or Gustie Soccer Field/Track Complex. With three sports so easily accessible to one specific dorm building, Norelius is Mojo Dojo Casa House. But if Barbie has taught girls anything, it’s that they can be anything, and that includes athletes and lovers of athletics. But other factors such as closet size determine whether or not a dorm is a Barbie Dreamhouse. And unfortunately, those closets can only fit the wardrobe of Beach Ken, because Beach Ken doesn’t wear shirts.
Pittman Hall is the only dorm building on campus that may have zero A.C. and be a Barbie Dreamhouse. While the early falls and late springs in Pittman may melt the plastic off any Barbie, its many other factors make up for it: large closets, shower hooks and benches, a large lounge right by the entrance with comfortable and updated furniture, and its close proximity and easy access to a parking lot. Sohre Hall is Pittman’s “ugly twin.” There may be more opportunities for parking in Sohre, but the bathroom conditions are not fit for a Barbie girl in any Barbie world. Maybe a Ken wouldn’t mind, which is why Sohre Hall is a Mojo Dojo Casa House.
Norelius Hall may be the ultimate Mojo Dojo Casa House, but Southwest (Swest) Hall is the ultimate Barbie Dreamhouse. With air conditioning, close proximity to both the academic buildings and Campus Center, and the parking spot availability all in one’s possession, Southwest Hall could be considered more than a Barbie Dreamhouse. It’s a Barbie Dream-palace. And the same could be said for the Carlson International Center & Swedish House. With air conditioning available and lounges with a fireplace and plenty of sunlight, one cannot refute it as Barbie-esque.
Chapel View, College View, and Prairie View are all Barbie Dreamhouses. Chapel View for its new carpet, clean walls, and improved utilities. But also for its kitchen, which has plenty of room for singing and dancing while baking cookies (or cooking a mean serving of spaghetti). No matter how Mojo Dojo Casa House you are, Chapel View could never be influenced by a Ken because it’s built for a Barbie. College View for its decent-sized closets and luxurious (to campus standards) bathrooms, despite it being located right next to the Tennis Bubble and the Hollingsworth Football Field. And Prairie View for its accessible parking, because a Barbie Dreamhouse always has somewhere for both Barbies and Kens to park. Arbor View may share similar qualities to the other previous residential buildings, but it lacks a beautiful view (unless you consider the parking lot beautiful) and much-needed natural light. And even though residents of Arbor View can enjoy a balcony like Barbie, it’s only big enough for Kens to sit and have a drink. Because of these small differences, Arbor View is a Mojo Dojo Casa House and perfect for the Gustavus Kens who are, in fact, “Kenough.”
Rundstrom Hall, most commonly known as Rundy, is a Mojo Dojo Casa House. The basement is a perfect spot for Kens to sit and have a drink and talk about how terrible the Minnesota Vikings are doing. Rundy has the potential to be a Barbie Dreamhouse, but that potential is limited to the dorm rooms. The Mojo Dojo Casa House vibes are strong with Rundstrom.
The same can be said for Uhler Hall. Uhler is made for “the boys.” There are multiple rooms in each dorm, giving Kens enough space for their PC, monitors, and consoles so they can play video games while watching the newest season of Family Guy. Realistically, Barbies could do the same. But does Uhler have enough space for the girlies to attempt a round of the game “True American” from the popular sitcom New Girl? I didn’t think so. The ability to play a nonexistent game played by Nick Miller (the ultimate Ken) is important to every Barbie. Therefore, Uhler is a Mojo Dojo Casa House.
Lastly, Complex Hall, or “Plex”, is a Mojo Dojo Casa House for its buzzing social life. Barbie loves a good party, but is not so keen on the idea of loud noises late at night (she needs her beauty sleep). Also, the basement is home to a foosball table, ping pong table, and pool table, outnumbering the usage of the piano and fireplace. And a Mojo Dojo Casa House isn’t officially complete without a secret room for e-sports and a picture of Gus The Lion in Gibbs’s basement.
As for the ILS houses, the decision of whether each house is a Barbie Dreamhouse or a Mojo Dojo Casa House is completely up to the residents of the home. Remember, everything is based on vibes. And if you don’t live in a Barbie Dreamhouse, that is okay because every Mojo Dojo Casa House is “Kenough.”