Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
I know you think you can make it through finals
without studying, but you should at least take a look at
your notes. Make a Quizlet or something.

Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
Okay, so the stars said to tell you that your outfit
looks really mice today, but I’m pretty sure that’s a typo
on their part.

Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
Eat a vegetable. Even just, like, one singular
carrot. Please.

Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)
–. .- … .-.. .. –. …. – / –. .- – . -.- . . .–. /
–. .. .-. .-.. -… — … …

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Make sure all your friends know to wish you a
happy birthday even when we’re not on campus. If you
give them your home address, they can send you a
present. Or an assassin, but hey, you might just have to
take your chances with that one

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Friday, May 13, 7 PM, Arb. Scream.

Leo (July 23 – Aug 22)
Yes, studying for finals is very important and I’m
very proud of you for doing your work, but it is okay to
take a break every once in a while. Go watch an
episode of The Office or do some yoga or put on a face
mask or dye your hair or something, I don’t know, just
relax for a minute.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22)
For the love of God, please go to bed before 4 am
at least once this week

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22)
You may be a handful sometimes, but that’s okay!
There’s a reason we have two hands <3

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21)

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
Please wash your bedsheets. Please. It’s disgusting.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
Whatever you do, don’t major in Poli Sci. If you
already have, I am so sorry.